changes

Ellie was trying not to feel exhausted, but she was. She couldn't speak, and the appointment was over, and she had everything she needed. They were back at Eric's. But still, she felt a part of her ripped out and stomped on and then put back together as if this was official now. She'd been to Planned Parenthood. They'd questioned her. And now she felt quite simple as if she didn't know anything. Why hadn't she quizzed herself before going there? This was the day of the concert and she felt like being alone.

"You did the right thing," Eric kept talking nonstop how she didn't want to be Britney Spears' little sister. How she had to remember she was healthy, and there were no diseases to worry about.

Ellie kept shaking her head, yes. Wishing she could talk to her Mom about all this. Wishing she was there, and yet she was glad that Eric waited all morning by the rubber tree where the condoms were hung on the leaves. He'd sweated it out, even got asked a few questions too. It felt more like the third degree, he'd said on the drive home. But she knew he was right. It would some time getting used too.

"Maybe what you need is a good long nap, and a brew." He nodded. "I'll leave you alone." But she hugged him. She didn't want to be alone.

As they spooned, a thousand things were running through her mind. She wondered if it would have been this way if she'd been with Kyle. It would be worse if Rex were around. She was sure of it. She didn't want to think about him. She just wished she could be happy. But now she felt shaky. A little odd. Even if she hadn't swallowed one little pill yet.

She closed her eyes finally and rested. It would be OK, if she let it. She had to believe that about herself.

The next thing she knew, Eric was bringing her a cup of hot tea.

"Look what I found?" He brought in a little black dress that looked to be from a Gothic clothing catalogue. "Its my sister's. Didn't even know we had it, actually. You could wear it tonight. Maybe. Its something different." He shrugged. Then he grabbed the box of black hair dye by his computer desk.

He handed it to her, staring at her as if he was dreaming up something amazing. "We should try it." He smirked. "There's enough here for both of us. We could do it right now in the shower." He nodded.

"Dye our hair?"

"Yeah, it would be so cool, and it would bring out the blue in your eyes." He was hyped.

"Really?"

"Yeah, what more could we do to get ready for an MSI concert, but to dye our hair. Its a momentous occasion, isn't it?" He took the box from her and read the instructions.

Ellie sipped her tea. She guessed it would be fun. At least she wouldn't be looking back at the same person she saw in the mirror. Would she?