around the house

There was no denying it.

Amanda walked in on something with Dan and Dylan in his room. She'd knocked. She'd yelled. She just couldn't take the waiting. And the door was unlocked. And....

She thought she might be sick. She didn't know what to say. She didn't think she'd seen what she thought she'd observed. Amanda didn't think that they even noticed she was there.

Amanda was sure she would have screamed, but she didn't. Instead, she thought she went completely deaf for a moment. Perhaps the horror on her face stayed with her as she walked all the way up the stairs to the livingroom where Derrick was playing his guitar.

"What is it?" Derrick stopped.

"Nothing," Amanda cleared her throat as she was trying to digest the surreal moment of buttocks bare and a leg here and there like a raw wrestling match. Dylan had kept his socks on. She almost laughed. But the shock was still there. That Dan was definitely into Dylan. "I'm OK."

"You don't look OK." Derrick looked at her as if she were ill.

"I was thinking how scared I am," she lied. "Having the baby, you know." She hadn't even thought about birth. Actually.

"Don't be scared. Its a lot like pooping, isn't it?"

Amanda pulled a face of disgust. "Thanks." She couldn't expect him to say anything nice, now could she?

Really, she felt there was nothing to say to anyone anymore. Not at school. Not even at home.

She just wished Dan would have told her. It wasn't that she could hold it against him, but it was Dylan. Why Dylan? What did he see in Dylan? Did he just want to be with someone who could practically make things worse?

But as she sat there, she was wondering if Dan thought the same thing about Kyle. Was he just bringing her down? Were they going nowhere?

This was depressing. This wasn't what she needed. She needed hope. A little warm sunshine. Even. Only it was cloudy and windy and no where letting the snow melt.

She went to the kitchen then. There was always something to clean there. She unloaded the dishwasher and loaded it back up. Amanda felt bad that she needed anything from Dan. Suddenly, she couldn't stop crying, but she didn't stop with the dishes she kept working because it would be here. No matter what.

Finally Dan appeared. Dressed. Thankfully. The electric guitar was going again.

"Derrick!" Dan called for him. He stared at Amanda just a bit.

"What?" Derrick finally stood at the doorway of the galley kitchen.

"You need to start doing stuff around here, or I'm taking that guitar. Now," Dan said a bit bitter.

"What do I have to do?" Derrick was soured on the notion of no guitar. "You know I have to play if I want to get better."

"Just-just start doing what ever Mandy wants you to do." Dan snapped. "Start doing dishes. Will you?"

He looked at Amanda.

"What?" She didn't want to talk to him. She kept rinsing dishes.

"Let him do that."

"Oh, so now you're-" Amanda didn't even want to finish that sentence. She knew he'd rather be with Dylan.

"Sorry, I forgot about the doctor's appointment," he then said.

"It doesn't matter." She squinted as if this was a fine time to bring it up. "You're busy with...with Dylan." Amanda said with disgust.

"I'm sorry."

"Why do you let him take up all your time?"

"I do not." Dan winced.

"When were you going to tell me?" Amanda looked hurt that he'd never actually said he was gay. Never. It was strange even thinking her brother was this way. He'd had girlfriends.

"Tell you what?" He looked at her as if he didn't understand.

"You and Dylan."

"What about him?" Dan squinted more.

She walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He followed.

"You and him." That's all she wanted to say about it.

"And?" He was looking at her as if he didn't need to say another word.

"I know what you are," Amanda said matter of fact as she hugged herself.

"What am I then?" His eyes lit.

"You're gay."

There was a silence. He didn't fight it. But he wouldn't say anything, either.

"You just don't like Dylan." Dan was avoiding the issue.

"You're right, I don't." She stared at him intently. "It has nothing to do with him being gay. He's just useless. He is. And you can't even see it. Can you?"

Dan made a small frown and turned away. She knew she hit a nerve this time.