white winter

I was following the pack
all swallowed in their coats
with scarves of red tied ’round their throats
to keep their little heads
from fallin’ in the snow
And I turned ’round and there you go
And, Michael, you would fall
and turn the white snow red as strawberries
in the summertime
Fleet Foxes-white winter hymnal

Cory still wasn't sure how his mother was taking the news. He so wanted to spare her, yet it was a good thing that she knew now. No more secrets.

"Its just the beginning, you know," she told him. "The beginning of trouble." She was sure of it. As it was, she hardly let him walk in certain neighborhoods after dark. "Its still a horrible time to be a young black man. " Of course, she'd said this for probably over a decade. He remembered her saying so when he was still little and just wanted someone to play basketball with. Of course, she'd taught him everything about the sport.

Now she seemed to turn it all around that it was all her fault that he was gay. She'd sheltered him to much. She hadn't let him grow up properly, but she'd been afraid of gangs and neighborhood violence where she'd grown up. Still there were good people there. Although, she didn't go back to see her relatives much even if they were just a few miles away.

"What if they," his mother teared up about it, thinking the worst. "They hurt you now." She thought of the troubles he'd have at school with all the gay bashing and bullying.

"I've never seen anything like that at our school," Cory thought perhaps he'd been oblivious to this fact, but really he didn't see the seriousness in it that she saw. "I can take care of myself." Of course, when he thought of Roger and the preacher in that fight outside of the school, it had shocked him that someone would be so hostile, especially, if they were a man of God.

"Look, someone told me there's this support group at this church, and Roger and I were going to check it out." Cory told her. "Maybe you'd want to, you know, see if you can find some support group."

She didn't seem confident enough to want to try something like that. He could see all she felt was that she'd been a failure to him.

"Don't you know, you've always been there for me," Cory could see now he needed her more than ever now, but he knew in the end he had to be there for her, and being gay didn't stop that.