Monday, June 29, 2009

just a concert

Olivia was sure Roger would never understand this. It would be best to keep this to herself. What ever happened. She wasn't going to tell him what she wanted to happen. It was just one of those things. After all, he couldn't possibly know what it was to be her and therefore, it was just a concert to him that she was going, too. Not the fact she was hoping she'd lose her virginity.

She'd made plans with the girls at work that she never did anything with. They were going to see Cursive. A local favorite. And with a little determination and hopefully with complete coolness, she'd get the task done without a glitch.

"So you don't need to go." Olivia told Roger point blank when she told him about the concert. "Besides, its a girl thing."

"Really?" He'd looked at her puzzled but didn't question her. "All right, I'll be home all by my lonesome. Hopefully, lawn boy will change his mind and hitch a ride with El. So if you need me, you'll know where I'll be."

"But I won't need you," she just smiled feeling a bit sad about saying it as if it would be a thrill to be without him when she knew it really wouldn't, and his smile was faint as if she'd just given him a lump of something he couldn't swallow. She knew deep down that he loved to be needed. Well, at the moment, but come fall, she was sure to lose him by then. He'd be lost in his classes, guys he adored. Yes, it was better to saver this right now before it became a bore. And it would, sooner or later, and she couldn't wait for him to have that feeling first. She just wouldn't. Not now.

Olivia went home and had a good cry. It felt like a crime to prepare for and really she wasn't criminal minded. But the fact remained, she couldn't go another year not really being of this world. She thought she could do it. She'd planned on it or so it seemed. She thought it might change, being with Eric, but it hadn't. Really, she hated him sometimes for being so righteous. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with her?

Something was wrong. She was sure of it. And if this didn't happen soon then maybe she didn't belong anywhere, really.

9 comments:

Cait said...

I do feel sad for Olivia.

dapper kid said...

It's sad to think Olivia feels she needs to force herself into it to feel like she belongs.

fan fic said...

I feel sad for her too. But I think with her handicap..she really feels she doesn't belong, too.

friend stories said...

Thanks for checking out my blog, I like yours.

em said...

I feel bad for Olivia.

em said...

Thank you. I hope your friends are okay.

friend stories said...

Thanks for the comment, you belong with me is really just a short story that I decided to put up, it's only 6 chapters in all. I might add more later though.

taffy. said...

of course olivia belongs!

past the point said...

So sad about Olivia, but I think I know where she's coming from. Making choices like this are so hard. As you grow you go from one end of the spectrum to the other. It would most definitely be a scary situation.