Saturday, February 20, 2010
The thing about Rocco, he was so easy to talk to. He wasn't like the other actors. Really, down to earth. And she ended up spending the weekend with him. And it had happened. She'd spent all this time with him and never learned his real name. She had no last name to go on. It was ridiculous when she thought about it now. So naive, and she didn't get the part in the play. And then when she found out she was pregnant, she found out he had moved on. He'd gotten a part in some traveling Broadway show.
It was all such a stupid thing she'd gotten wrapped up in. And she'd thought about an abortion, she was going to, but then in the end, it evidently took care of its self. She woke up one morning with the worst cramps ever. She hated to think of that feeling now. How could she ever let herself get that way, again?
"I'm kind of scared." Syd finally admitted to Eric when they got home.
"About what?" Eric was still oblivious to her anxiety.
"You know, a miscarriage." She told him about her Aunt. She wanted to leave it at that. How much pain and sadness her aunt had endured. Of course, when she spoke of her Aunt, she was really talking about herself. How awful she'd grieved alone. And the thought she'd been so careless, and ashamed and the shock of still missing something that could have been a wonderful part of her life. If only. If only. Her throat was parched at the thought.
"Its OK. We have to think positive. All right. You know, I wouldn't want us thinking about a nursery, already." He sighed as he cuddled with her. He looked around as if he had no idea how much a baby would need to grow up in. Especially, in that studio apartment.
Syd just nodded. Almost in tears.
"I did something stupid." She told him.
Eric hugged her close as if it couldn't be that bad.
"I was pregnant once, and-and I didn't even know this guy's real name." She bit her upper lip. "I was worried, I'd never tell him, but then, then I had miscarriage." She told Eric everything.
"Maybe it won't be that way this time, you know." Eric almost smiled, but it was as if she'd scared him too.
Syd nodded, but she cried, anyway. She hated thinking of the past. She didn't want it to be repeated, again.