Monday, February 7, 2011
in the thick of it
Amanda looked blankly at the computer screen. What was she suppose to be doing?
She thought the stress had gotten to her before with college and family when she was pregnant with Evan. With student teaching in a few days, well..it was all down hill from here. Wasn't it? But she was so nervous.
She was trying to figure out how she could be legally separated from Elliot now. This was not the best time to be going through a divorce. Of course, if Elliot were here and she was taking care of him, she might not even be thinking about student teaching.
A part of her felt so crush. How much farther down could she go? What if Elliot decided to kick her out of the house. It was his house.
It was still bitter cold out. The reality was she'd best move back in with Dan, her brother. But Dan's daughter had her old room. This was going to be hard, trying to figure out what to do. Possibly, they could get on a low-income housing list. That might work, but that took months to happen, some times.
Then there was Asa who wanted her to keep focusing on getting through student teaching. And she was. She knew the drill now. It helped to be a teacher's aid in the music department. A part of her knew how lucky she was to get it this good with the school district.
Still, there was Elliot to worry about. Of course, he'd been so cold when she was around him. He didn't even bother to tell her to get out of his face. It had left her sad. Really, she had wanted to try to make this work with him, but he wouldn't let her. And soon enough, it was as if no one wanted him to speak to her.
Of course, she'd put up a fuss with Elliot's mother. Amanda told her it wasn't fair. Elliot was her husband. But they'd look at her as if she was the one with the problem, not him. And maybe that's why she leaned on Asa so much. She hadn't meant to, but he was there. And he cared. No one else did.
She thought of the first night they slept together was because she wanted to be warm. And it was just sleep. Funny, how she felt comfortable with him, safe.
It was not suppose to turn into this. Yet, she didn't want it to stop, either. Of course, there was the unsure feeling that every day would be the worst. Like papers, saying Elliot had filed for divorce. But Asa had managed to pay the last two payments on the house. Still, he always made it feel this was her house, even if she knew it wasn't.