Wednesday, April 6, 2011
what's in a name
She knew exactly what it was. Charlie kept calling her "Hinney".
"Its Hannah. You big fat dummy!" She hated it. She did. Everything had gone so well. She guessed.
Yes, she was scared when she got here, back at Christmas. She didn't want to be left alone with these strangers. But meeting her Dad was kind of like meeting somebody on a TV show. It was hard to believe this was her Dad. The dad her mother would hiss under breath, from time to time about that poor little rich boy who didn't even remember her.
Hannah had heard a lot of bad stuff about her Dad. They made him out to be fit for nothing. But she'd seen a lot of her Mom's friends...and who they married. Hannah, felt safe not to have someone who acted like they were somebody, but in reality, they drank beer all the time. They thought they were funny when they weren't. It could get crazy. And she didn't trust them. It was safe at her grandparents.
Her Grandmother told her that she should try to get to know her Daddy. She might never get a chance, otherwise. So they'd talked on the phone, then Skyp. And his wife reminded her a lot of her own mother, but she wasn't at all like her. Ellie seemed more down to earth. She liked to make things. And Hannah admired that about her. She couldn't remember her Mom ever making cookies with her. Her Mom would show up at birthday parties usually with a new guy. She could remember her mom smacking her gum, holding a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other.
She remembered her mother using the word "Shit". A lot. But her mom used a lot of other bad words too. She often wondered if her Dad knew these things about her mother?
And Charlie. Well, he was her little brother, wasn't he? He didn't look a thing like her. Dark eyed and a mop of dark curls. Possibly he knew he was adorable, but he took to her as if she was his, and he found her mesmerizing. He'd watch her do anything, and wanted to do anything she did. It was kind of fun, being a big sister. But he'd really done it this time.
"DON'T LET HIM CALL ME, HINNEY. I'm NOT HINNEY!" She knew if she were back home, they'd all laugh, and she'd never live it down. It would be her new nickname. She'd bet the butt of every joke, so to speak. It didn't help that Charlie actually knew what the word meant. He'd grab her from behind and tried to wrestle her to the floor. Maybe she was making too much out of it, but this really peeved her. She'd had to put up with a lot in her little life. Her mother getting in a huff and pulling her out of sleep just to put her in the back seat of a car and take off to God Knows Where. Her mother wasn't always nice to her parents. Hannah didn't like her Momma's boyfriends, either. She felt safe here. Until now.
"OK, we promise..we won't." Her Daddy was serious. He picked up Charlie and took him to another room.
"Are you sure thats all it is? Hannah? He's just a toddler." Ellie sat down with her.
"I know." Hannah couldn't help but want to cry. Ellie put her arm around her even if she was holding Zoe. "Its just, you know. I don't like being made fun of. Never have." She whimpered. It was just... with her mother's friends, she had to ignore them because they ignored her except to make fun of her. How she walked. Her eyes were too big. She was sad all the time. It wasn't like that here.
"I wish she'd named me, Lily," Hannah then said. "Besides, I look more like her than that silly Hannah Montana."
"Well, we could see if we could teach Charlie to call you, Lily." Ellie smiled.
Hannah felt so sad. She wanted to belong here. She did.