Sunday, February 26, 2012
somewhere in the lull of it
Lola couldn't decide if she felt pressured or not with Ian. Maybe.
Still, it was nice to be wanted. And she did like him back. But they were friends. That was suppose to be enough.
"I wouldn't trust him, if I were you." Milo said first thing when she got home that night from the Valentines Dance. She guessed he knew they were more than friends by the look on her face.
Of course, Lola didn't need to ask why. It was because Ian had an ex-boyfriend. She'd told this to Milo when she first met Ian. Even then, Milo warned her to leave him alone. She'd taken his advice to heart, of course. He was her brother and wiser, she supposed.
Sill, Milo had to agree, that he did like Ian, who was helpful around the house. He took Milo places, and he helped with Liam, too. Ian wasn't all bad.
But such happiness seemed impending now. It settled under her skin, like a tired restlessness that none of it could be possibly real. Only, it felt so when it happened. Kissing, there in front of all those people at the dance.
It must have looked ridiculous now. But no one called in the law. Maybe no one really noticed. Or did they? It hadn't happen since. Must have been a fluke, she was now thinking.
Why couldn't she be one of those girls who called his bluff, or the shots, or something?
No, she was very much a solo act. She'd heard what people said of her. Especially, her last school. Was she gay? What was wrong with her? She was too quiet. Even in art class. She really didn't even fit in with the art crowd. Where was her style? Wasn't she trying to emulate something, like the rest of them?
It was hard to keep it all in. But she felt as if she were going through a breakup when she wasn't even sure there was something between her and Ian. Yes, she wanted to stay away. Wanted things back to normal. But it made it all the more upsetting. She wasn't sure she could adjust to what was left. After all, there was Milo to deal with and Liam. Her mother went to visit relatives for some time to herself with her own illness.
Lola knew things were still the same. She needed to remember that. But it wasn't easy, wanting to know the truth from Ian.