Saturday, June 16, 2012
its no big deal
"I don't even think I should be..in your room." Ian whispered.
"What?" Josie said as loud as possible as she stared at him before she burst into laughter. Sometimes, it was fun to see him squirm. Not that she was trying to make him feel bad.
"Shh..." He winced as if he might be horrified that someone would storm into her room. All was quiet.
"See, I don't even know why you are worried." She plopped herself down on her bed. She pulled him into her as soon as he was near. Possibly, she couldn't help herself. This was good. Everything else was bad. They kissed, even if Ian hesitated a little as if he were waiting for a spider to jump on him or maybe Derrick to appear. "He'll get over it." She smiled then.
"OK. Sure." He sounded fine with her on this. They kissed more and it filled Josie with laughter. Obviously, for all the right reasons. This had nothing to do with Derrick. Honestly, it didn't.
"What if its..just a hormonal thing?" Ian asked as they soon laid together on her bed.
"What?" That sounded to much like science and this was not a scientific moment. Yes, there was an attraction, but she didn't want to dare think this would all go away. These emotions running rampant in her veins, wanting him near. "No. You can't be serious."
"But I am." He said so quietly as he looked down at her.
"You think to much." She kissed him, hoping he'd shut up. This was not what she wanted. No, she wanted to feel his lips. His skin. It was a dreamy. And she needed to be anywhere, but here.
"We need to be careful." He took a breath then before things moved on.
"How careful?" They were careful before. He was OK with where things went. She knew he wasn't faking.
"I would feel..so bad..if.." He sat up as if maybe he had a nightmare about it. "I don't think I..could..forgive myself..if, you know..if I hurt the baby." He squinted.
"I told you, the doctor said it was fine." She drew a breath. But he looked perplexed about it. As if she were putting him in the worst situation possible.
She guessed she was. Josie sighed.
"You aren't going to...leave me, are you?" Now her heart sank. She couldn't possibly bare the next few months if he were just going to turn off what ever this was she yearned for with him.
"No. Never. I..I need you too. And..and you know you mean more to me, than just sex. I don't know how..how I'd get through anything ..now with out you." He winced harder.
"I wish you'd tell me, what it is, that..." Josie rose up on her elbows then.
She saw how sad he was. How evidently, he didn't think he was good enough for anyone nor anything.
"You'll feel better if you tell me." She touched his forearm. Soon enough, he was back where she wanted him. Next to her. She lingered for his warmth. She liked him close. So close. It really felt right. How could it not be?
He shook his head. She knew he was upset.
"Its OK. I'm not going to judge you." She kept trying to guess.
All he managed to say, "Its Kayla."
The name sounded so foreign. Josie hadn't a clue who he meant. She pushed her fingers through his dark blond hair. It was enough to be thankful he'd want to tell her what troubled him.