Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Tell me I'm a screwed up mess
It stressed him out so. He couldn't wait to get home from work and crash. Of course, he knew he'd call Josie. Maybe talk to her in bed. Although, at this rate, he might fall asleep on his cell. That was the plan.
He headed upstairs, flipped on his light switch and there was Derrick waiting for him. Why was he not surprised? Ian backed up, wanted to close the door and walk away. He felt himself shake with some fear, but he did his best not to let it show.
"What? This is the best, you, could do? Fight me at home?" Ian wasn't going to sound nervous, even if he was a little put off that Derrick would wait for him, in his own bedroom.
Derrick only sighed and rolled his eyes.
"No. Its not like that. I just.." He squinted hard, pulled a scowl, and plopped himself down on his bed. "You, don't understand. You're not in my shoes." He gritted then.
"I'm not trying to get back at you." Ian winced as he wondered if he should sit and let Derrick think he owned the place. "I love Josie." It was so simple. He felt like calling her right now and saying those words to her. Of course, he said them every night to her before he went to bed. "Not everything is about you, Derrick."
Derrick started to say something. He sighed heavily then.
"Its like..Its like neither of you...care about me.. at all." His voice cracked. Derrick glared at Ian.
"Why should we? You don't exactly care about us?" Ian almost laughed. It was true, Derrick hadn't changed a bit.
"I'm concerned about the baby. I don't want you hurting the baby. Can you see where I'm coming from?" Derrick kept glaring.
Finally, Ian sat next to him.
"I wouldn't hurt the baby. I wouldn't hurt Josie. I'm not out for revenge." Ian promised.
Derrick shook his head.
"I'm screwing everything up." He covered his hands over his eyes. "I dunno what to say to Henry. And..and..I dunno what to do about Dorian."
Ian looked away. "Tell Henry you're sorry for starters. Tell him you're an idiot. Tell him, you don't deserve him."
"I don't want to hurt him." Derrick sounded in a bad way.
"Haven't you hurt him, already?" Ian looked at him. "Just let it go. OK? If this baby is so damn important to you, start acting like you want to be a Dad."
"The point is, some day, you are gonna want this kid to look up to you. You, have to be better than this, Derrick. You can be better than this." Ian bit his upper lip. Suddenly, grief stung him of his own situation with Kayla. Of course, someone (her unborn baby that he couldn't think of as his) would really never know who he was exactly, but he could still hope he could be a good uncle. His cell rang. It was Josie.
"I think you need to go now." Ian's throat was parched.
Derrick nodded, and slowly got up. "But I didn't talk to you about Dorian?" He looked a bit hurt that Ian wouldn't let him stay.
"I really don't want to know." Ian told him. "I'm not your best friend, anymore." With that, Derrick let himself out the way he'd came. Through Ian's window.