Thursday, March 21, 2013
do, you, know me
Shan did what he could to talk Henry out of going to Cedric's.
"Its a very bad time. Its a terrible time to go. I mean, Sunny is his little sister. He doesn't need a party. What kind of jerk, is he?" Shan found the whole event in distaste, but that was all everyone was talking about at school. "Honestly, I'd rather just be alone."
Of course, he didn't tell Henry about smoking a joint with Fish. Even Shan couldn't believe it.
It was just a fluke. That's all it was. He'd needed a little something that week to keep him from being totally depressed. He thought it was pretty cool too. But it was possibly a bad thing to tell his boyfriend, he was out with another guy. Even if they were only friends.
"Its just been an awful time, OK?" Shan knew he'd probably over-reacted when he said that to Henry when they first heard about the party, but it had turned into a hard conversation to digest.
"You just don't want me..to have any fun." Henry looked at him so perturbed, yet a little silly, threatening to go to Cedric's without him.
So here they were. Not the warmest of nights, bundled up in parkas and warm hats. He wished they'd came with Ian and Josie, but they weren't here yet.
It was dark. A lot of people were outside around the bomb fire. Some holding cups of beer. It was kind of mellow. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Finally, Henry saw Josie and Ian going into the house. In spite of the cold air, Shan didn't want to go into the stuffy house. It was crowded. His nerves were practically shot. He told Henry he'd be in as soon as he had a smoke.
Soon Henry went in and Shan called Fish.
"God, I can't..I can't do this. I just can't." He told Fish. "I'm the worst boyfriend in the world."
"I hardly doubt that." Fish promised.
"You would say that. After all, I let you ..." He winced thinking he was just an enabler. He'd given Fish pot.
"You, have to calm down. You're not high on anything now, right?" Fish questioned.
"Right." He nodded as he looked around. It was then he noticed someone, he kind of remembered, but not really.
"And you're there for Henry."
"Gotcha." Shan kind of smiled, but this guy was walking toward him. Shan couldn't help but stare. He was a college guy. Probably thirty, maybe even thirty-two. Shan's face tensed.
"Look, Henry needs you." Fish told him.
"I know, but he's such an idiot when he gets too polluted. Its a lot to handle." Shan confessed.
"Just try to have fun."
"Hahahaha..very funny, Fish." Shan clicked off then, as that guy was right in front of him.
"Hey, I know who you are now." The lean guy grinned, looking about as out of place here as Shan did.
Shan didn't smile, but stared at him. Yes, they'd sort of met when he'd gone to a party last summer with Lily.
"You, were at the lake that night. Where did you go?" Alf stood there grinning at him as if he was so glad he'd found him, again.
Shan didn't want to tell him, how he'd ran away from that party. Naturally, Alf introduced himself all over, again.
"Yeah, Ced and I go way back. I thought I should come, make sure he's really OK, you know." Alf nodded.
"Where is he?" Shan hadn't seen him, anywhere.
"He's around." Alf sounded as if he were looking after him.
Shan lit up a cigarette. Honestly, he didn't want to say another word to Alf. They were not friends nor anything else. And never would be.
He left Shan alone and went on into the house while Shan smoked his cigarette. Shan had a feeling this might be the longest night of his life.