Friday, March 8, 2013
practically a curse
Derrick didn't go to work. He went home, to his room and laid there waiting miserably for the world to end. Instead, Rox asked if he wanted to go with her to Sunny's house. She had an armload of casseroles and cookies to take.
"NO. I can't. I'm sick." He'd yelled back.
"You don't sound that sick," was Rox's response.
"Please, please, don't make me go." He sucked in a breath from bed, laying there on his back waiting for some curse to commence. "I just can't."
"But, you and Sunny were so close." Rox reminded him.
"I know." But it felt so fake now. Terribly fake, yet it was very clear to him of the harsh words he'd last said to her. That alone made his whole body ache. How could he have said that? YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. Honestly, it felt like someone took over his body and his brain. "I just can't. Not right now." Not that he was promising anything. It made him cold to the bone, thinking of her funeral. Everything about Sunny.
Thankfully, Rox let it go and went on her way with the kids.
Derrick sighed, wishing he could cry.
He closed his eyes, thinking how he'd gone to the bathroom before school hoping to throw up, yet it was just a place to hide. And then Fish found him.
His eyes open wide now as he thought of that moment with Fish. He gritted, remembering every second with Fish.
Fish kissed him first. And it was freakishly amazing. Derrick didn't have to do anything.
They'd made out in boys bathroom. In spite of it being the most unpleasant place on earth to be, it hadn't mattered. Yet, the bliss that Derrick knew could happen... soon became a different reality when Derrick noticed the pupils of Fish's eyes.
"You're high." Derrick was ready to throttle him. Except Fish was smaller than him. Not really. They were the same height, which Derrick supposed was a plus. Maybe.
But Fish was high. Definitely, high. It was not the real Fish. The real Fish wasn't into kissing and prodding and what not. "God damnit!" He'd pulled away for Fish's own sake.
It was wrong. Completely, bad timing.
Derrick couldn't overlook the pattern here, as he thought about it. Now. He'd been overly sexual when his sister's death happened. It was like he wanted to escape the worst. Look what that got him? Being a teenage father who never got to see his son.
Thoughts of Sunny muddled in with his happy moment with Fish. It was fascinatingly awful. Derrick knew he was in a bad way. If he knew what was best for everyone, he'd stay in his room. Alone.