On a day like today

"What the hell? I mean, seriously." Gage shook his head as he took another hit on the cigarette to calm him down, after work with Holden. "I didn't see this coming." He winced at the thought of being with his Dad 24/7. It made him a little nervous. "Ren hadn't said a thing. What's she doing now? Fostering grown men?" He made a face of disgust. No way, could he share the woman who raised him with a man he didn't really know.What if it was just some trick? Of course, he had no earthly idea what the trick would be.

"Maybe..maybe..he's... you know.." Holden and that silly grin.

"What!" Gage practically gave his best friend a hard shove while Holden was trying to nurse the cigarette they were sharing.

"I dunno, dude, ever thought he was..you know, making a love nest with her." He cracked up as if that was not exactly what he meant, but he laughed as he choked on the smoke.

Gage shook his head, no with a face of disgust.

"She wouldn't." It felt like a bad taste in his mouth he couldn't get rid of. "She's old, man."

"Yeah, well..not that old for your dad. I mean, if I were him..I'd want some of that. And you know, he's probably a whole lot nicer to her than that soup kitchen dude." Holden knew about that. Gage had talked endless to him how he hated that guy. How Ren deserved so much better than a guy who ran a soup kitchen for the homeless.

"It just creeps me out, you know. I mean, he couldn't be sleeping with her, he couldn't be." Gage squinted hard, needing a whole lot more of that cigarette than Holden.

"Yeah, well, I doubt sleep is really involved." Holden laughed softly. Finally, Gage smiled.

Holden really was ready to light up another. Why in the hell did Gage have to be so stingy with those homemade cigarettes?

Still, it was nice to have someone to talk too. Maddie was off at a ballet workshop, or some such thing. He knew he should be happy for her. And he was. And he was trying to be the best boyfriend possible.

It had been different with her, from the get go. Maybe it all had to do with those darn roses that Luna, his step-sister said to get her. It was like a new playing field. He really had to be a nice guy. That meant, sex hadn't followed.

Oh, it was nice, being there for her. Holding hands, an occasional romantic moment that didn't get out of hand. He couldn't possibly let her know what sort of monster was inside him. Not that he ever thought of hooking up with strangers. Exactly. Still, it frightened him. What if he did?

Sometimes, he really hated this loneliness. He'd never had such a dry spell. He might as well shrivel up and blow away like a tumble weed. He'd taken on extra shifts this summer, hoping to save his money. Still, he hated the thought of driving. The panic attacks loomed over him, in just about every situation.

He was at his happiest when he was with Gage. Still, it was just so hard to hold on to what he should be doing with his life. It really sucked to have a name like Holden. Wasn't that a name for guys who knew what they wanted?They found a way to get it.

Holden looked into Gage's eyes. If only he could be more like Gage.

There was that nasty crooked smile of Gage's who inhaled the smoke ever so cool. Next thing Holden knew Gage was exhaling the smoke into Holden's mouth. And then, he kissed Gage.