It's easy to say but it's harder to say now

 Carson knew he was at an all-time low, and it wasn't an old song either. He was just beginning to realize all his problems after being in Gage's basement for a couple of days.

Of course, he ended up at Brit's parents. She hugged him like she missed him and then wanted him to take the kids for the next few days.

"What the hell?" 

He was bitter. He quickly informed her they couldn't start this shit, especially with family. Supposedly, she still loved him, but he found it just to be an excuse for the kids. "Was this the reason we moved back?" 

He left it at that because she didn't have a good answer for him. So he sat around at Gage's through Thanksgiving and finally cleaned Gage's kitchen. It was the least he could do. He cleaned the oven.

"Why did you do that?" Gage wanted to know. After all, it was self-cleaning.

"I just make bad choices, that's all." 

Carson didn't know what else to say. He could be a police officer about now, probably in undercover if he'd endured it, but no she said it was all wrong for him and made him a bad person. 

He wondered if Brit would get on at the police station again. She'd find a job before he did. He guessed. But he knew being back there would just mean stress which led to anger issues. He needed to stay away. 

Somebody he used to know called to let him know that he could get on at the emergency room. After all, he'd been a paramedic and had a degree in emergency management.

Carson had a good laugh. He thought he'd be useless about now, but if they were offering he guessed he better take it, and stick with it even if it were the grave yard shift.

"She's just being fickle," he remembered Brit's mother telling her while he was there at Thanksgiving after dinner. She'd been nice enough to send food home with him. "Don't worry about the kids, they are here."

Her words just made him want to have a power nap. He just didn't know if this job was feasible with Brit, who expected so much. She always made him feel he was never there for the kids, or maybe it was her. It needed to be clarified. What did she really want?

"You just aren't who I thought you were!" He clearly remembered her saying the moment she asked for the divorce.

Of course, he did try to get them into counseling. Still, he was not saying what she wanted to hear.

They weren't cheating on each other. True, their place was small, and the pandemic hadn't helped much. Maybe they'd spent too much time together. Wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? He thought it was getting better, and then she was mad about how they were in debt.

"And who's fault is that?" He'd brought up and she didn't like that he was talking back at her.

Seriously, they didn't even have the money for a divorce. He knew he just had to find something and stick with it. Maybe she'd move on first. He wouldn't. Of course, her mother had offered him a room in the basement. If this job worked out, he might just take it.