Thursday, March 28, 2024

Just wanna let this story die



"IT WAS YOU!" Rafe said with a vengeance as he poked his index finger like lightning into his brother's chest. Rafe had him against the wall. Cade struggled back, yet Rafe knew Cade must have expected this. He felt Cade squirm. Still Cade looked him in the eye that he'd gone too far.

"Why?" Rafe's eyes lit. "Why did you have to tell her!"

Cade gritted to push his twin brother off of him. For a moment he thought Rafe might really hurt him with his forearm against Cade's neck as he was forced against the wall in their room.

"Because Maddie needed to know! That's why!" Cade pushed back, but not until he let Rafe tumble back, practically on the floor. "It was better now than god knows when. She had a right to know!"


For a second Rafe imagined everything perfect with him and Maddie. He didn't want to believe she'd be this upset.

Rafe's face was full of disgust. They really never had anything to fight about, until now.

Cade gave him a grim look.   

"I hate you!" Rafe decided. "I want you out of my room!"

"Can't do that," Cade told him with a straight lip. "It is our room." 

Rafe was in a huff. His fists tighten. He wanted to beat something up. But he needed to keep his cool. Still, he was finished being somebody's twin.

"Fine," Rafe's face swelled with anger as his dark hair covered his ominous eyes. If only he could hit Cade where it hurt. His luck, he'd hit the wall and never hear the end of it. As far as he was concerned, he knew who was the chosen one. Cade was already accepted at the University of Lincoln. His life was so well planned out with a four-year scholarship in engineering. Actually, Rafe hadn't applied anywhere and he was too much of an emotional wreck to think on it at the moment. "I'll go to the basement."

"But..but it's cold down there," Cade reminded him that their dad's ongoing project might never be done. It wasn't the most pleasant place filled with yesterday's memories and junk they needed to get rid of but never got around to.

Rafe shrugged back. Maybe he needed the dank cave to think in. It was useless to say anything else to his perfect brother. "We're done."

It was the last thing he thought he'd say. It had always been a rocky relationship. They seldom saw eye to eye on anything. Oh, he could hear his grandmother now, "We always knew Rafe was the bad seed."

It made him cry harder as he packed his backpack. He wanted to move out as soon as possible, but he knew in the end Cade would make his exit first. It just wasn't fair. What had he done that was so wrong? Why was he like this? 

Was something wrong with him? Rafe managed to find what he needed and headed downstairs. Honestly, there was no place to sleep in their junky basement. At the moment,  Rafe made himself comfortable in the laundry room which smelled of sweet fabric softener as the dryer hummed with warmth. Yes, he needed a place to be alone with his sad thoughts. Life was not as he knew it.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

If that's not loving you



 "Amy!" Stan didn't know how to tell her this. But he banged his fist on her bedroom door.

"Dad? What are you doing?" She shrank back after she opened the door. "This isn't you."

"Well...well, you aren't being yourself either," He was in a huff. Of course, it had taken him all week to get the courage to show his true colors. He'd never meant to disappoint Amy, but it seemed she had the upper hand.

He closed the door behind him and practically whisper-shouted. He didn't need Jen on this, just yet. "What is the meaning of spending your mother's hard-earned money on violin lessons that you won't even take?"

Oh, he was in a stomp. Sort of. But he didn't want to go crazy.

"Dad, you're being weird." She only winced.

"You very well know what this is about. Dory told me." He put his hands on his hips and breathed in and out before he could lose consciousness. He'd never ever yelled at his daughter. He was on the brink of tears. "Why are you doing this to us?"

"Because we aren't us anymore," Amy snapped. "Don't  you think that woman needs to go home by now?" She made a face of disgust as she hugged herself. No way would she swallow her pride. 

"She's your mother!"

Stan's brow furrowed in anger. He hugged himself too as he frowned at his sweet little Amy who had obviously grown into a monster of some kind.


"I don't like anything about her," Amy looked him in the eye.

"But..but you look just like her," he told her.

"I don't want to look like her. I don't want anything to do with her," Amy said.

Stan sighed, looking to the ceiling thinking what a very old house it was, but it was his house. Amy's house.

"Listen, you are going to have to get used to this..this new situation." 

He remained even lipped waiting for her to wail something obnoxious.

"New situation?" She winced.

"Well, your mother wants to keep this quiet right now." He did his best to remain calm. "Your mother is expecting."

"Expecting what?"

Stan drew a sigh. "We found out a few days ago." He cleared his throat. "It's a boy."

"A BOY!"

Amy's eyes widen. She sat down on her bed as if this was just too much. She swelled a frown as if it were the worst news she'd ever heard.

"You know I love you, but..but I love your mother, too." He sat down next to her. At least she didn't fight him when he put his arm around her.

"I don't know what you see in her. She treats you like shit," Amy begin to cry. 

"Well, I'm an idiot for her, and always have been." He nodded. "She's smart. She's beautiful and..and I can't stop myself, I guess."

Really, he didn't know. "I just know, she needs us and much as we need her."

"But..but wasn't her partner, a woman?" Amy grimaced.

"Well, before she died, your mother promised her that..that she would come back to us. But I know, it wasn't easy. And I never thought she would..but she's here now...and you'll have to accept that."

"I can't," Amy was shaking her head, no. "I'd never liked the way she's treated you. I hate her."

"Amy, you can't say that." There were tears in Stan's eyes.

"But I do. I can't help it." She started to cry. "I've always been on your side. You're the best dad in the world. Can't you see?"

"I don't think I'm that great," he sadly confessed, feeling he'd let Amy down somehow. His nose was full of congestion now. "I'll pay for Eli's violin lessons."

"Oh Dad," she cried into his chest then as if that was the last thing they should be thinking about.



Sunday, March 24, 2024

You're always there, so don't ovŠµrthink



 Mercer saw them together. He couldn't believe it. Maddie wasn't sad. 

It was like someone different. She was part of the group. There Rainy was stretching across the table just to give her an art pencil. Mercer couldn't help but smile.

Oh, he knew he wasn't supposed to be out here where the study rooms were at the library, but he needed a drink from the water fountain.

"What's going on?" Somehow Cade noticed too.

"Oh, well..it's something." Mercer nodded.

"Something?" Cade almost bumped into his bum just to take a look in the corner of the doorway. His sweater, fragranced with Kate Spade's Sparkle was so inviting. It left Mercer smiling. "Good for Maddie," Cade said.

"I know, but what will Rafe do?" Mercer looked up at Cade who would always tower over him just a little.

"Well, he knows this highway pretty well. He might not eat for a week and I'll have to live that stinky man odor of his. It should last two weeks, tops." They both took their exit and went back to the Circulation counter.

"It'll last longer, for sure." Mercer told him he really thought this would hit his brother hard. "I don't think he'll get over Maddie."

"Possibly, he was never that involved with anyone else," Cade shrugged about the matter. "I think I heard him sobbing the other night. I don't really like it, but there isn't anything I can do about it."

"Maddie had said she thought she was better alone, but-"

"It's good for her to try new things. You know, just finding her niche. I don't suppose she thought she had one until now," Cade said.

"You think Rainy will be OK?" Mercer knew Rainy had been through so much with his mother and her cancer. At least there was a reprieve. Things were better. He didn't seem depressed like he used to be. 

"I dunno, maybe you need to fill Maddie in, you know." Cade shrugged and went to check on some HOLDs at the counter.

Mercer nodded. He better get back to shelving. Still, he felt as if spring was stirring. And maybe there were some happy days ahead, but not for Rafe.

Friday, March 22, 2024

Yesterday, it finally came, a sunny afternoon



 Maddie was in the basement hallway at the school, waiting for her soda to slowly drop to where she could retrieve it. Rafe knew he wanted to kick the soda machine for her, but he didn't. They were alone now after the last bell.

"Can we talk?" He asked. Sure, he looked out of sorts. Nothing had been the same since his fight with Mercer. Rafe still detested the thought of his twin brother having sex with his boyfriend. It seemed Cade could always get what he wanted before he did even if Cade and Mercer spent so many winters and summers on the couch gaming. They didn't even know they liked each other that way back then. Now it left Rafe's lips chapped with worry. Why hadn't it happened for him and Maddie?

She turned scuring away like a little mouse.

"Don't do this to me!" He shouted. At least there was no one to listen, but her. He watched her stop, but she kept walking as if she had no time for him. But he caught up and stepped in front of the door that led out into the grassy soccer fields.

"I can fix this," he told her.

"Yeah, you really know how to fix that motor of yours on your scooter," she still knew it was in the garage at his house. "What makes you think you can fix this?"

Her snide look only made him wince as she hunched over with her heavy backpack.

"Let me carry that."

They could walk and talk. She must have been on her way to the library. She just needed a cheap soda before she got there. 

She shook her head no. She told him they were done.

"But..but you just don't understand." 

Rafe practically yelped.

"Oh, I understand a lot. You were just stuck with me anyway." 

Her little shrug made it all the more impossible to say anything more. 

"Why are you like this?" Rafe wanted to know. He came so close to touch her face. Really, he missed these times when they walked to the library together. And it was sunny out. The wind was warm on their skin. So inviting and mysterious.

"Why are you like this?" She shot back. "I want you to leave me alone! Just go on, do that thing you do. Someone will come along and be everything you want. I'm sure of it."

But he knew she was mustering up a tear or two, or maybe it was him. His eyes bit back tears. He couldn't believe it.

All the things he wanted to tell her. He didn't want to hurt her. She was his future. She wasn't like the others. He couldn't stand the thought of her thinking he might be some monster. Didn't she know how good they were together? She was precious. He only wanted to be cautious. Deep down, it was she who saw the good in him like nobody else.

She kept walking holding on to the straps of her backpack still on those little shoulders of hers. Of course, her backside was divine. He couldn't help but look. Why hadn't he noticed before? Yes, trouble stirred in a masculine kind of way, but he held on to his chilvery.

He took a deep breath to keep up to speed.

"You were so mean in the beginning."

She'd never expressed this grief before. 

"I knew I'd never be good enough. Maybe that's how they all feel about you."

Her look in her eyes was sad yet bitter as a frown persisted. She sniffed tears and so did he. Her hair got caught in the corner of her lip and a stray lock touched the corner of her pale eye. Perhaps she could not see clearly.

"We always had to do everything by your rules," she told him. It made Rafe's teeth gnash.

"I'm not going down that road again," Maddie cleared her throat as her hair tossed in the wind. The sun shined like a new day. "So don't come looking for me."

She ran from him. Rafe never knew she could run that fast.