out of nowhere

Dear Diary,

What does this mean?

That kiss from Kyle just came of nowhere. Really, I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't. And a part of me wishes I had. You know, so I could have been ready for it. But then it might have been more awkward. I just imagine lips crushing, usually.

Well, it was not like that the time somebody(Roger) kissed me in sixth grade. Yeah, I know...its been that long. And I felt really bad about that, because it was so horrible. And I was pretty sure I could never let it happen again. Until, maybe I was in college and really drunk or something. OK, I probably would not have waited that long for another kiss, but still....THIS. This is ....Crazy.

Reality Check

Me and Kyle. Who are we kidding? Nobody in their right mind would go for this.

1. He's a year younger than me.
2. He's in middle school.
3. I can't just let myself fall into this. Can I?

Also....its this..this thing hanging over me...the fact.

Yes, he's younger, but he's so advanced. Sounds like I'm talking about a summer school class. He can kiss. And it wasn't just a kiss..open mouth, with the tongue kiss.

I was so shocked. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? "OMG, you're so much a better kisser than Roger ever wanted to be..."

With Roger it was just this thing you got through. He was an animal. Pawing and what not. Ugh. Still cringe when I think about it. I do not ever want to find out if he's changed since then.

But this whole Kyle thing. I just can't stop thinking about it. Us. There. I hope no one saw us kissing.

Hope I get through this next week.

L