coming back

It wasn't that late. Really, it couldn't have been. She stood there in the wet grass in the yard listening to the birds chattering. Her hair was still damp. Ellie hoped she didn't look horribly awful. She checked back in her back pack. She still had Rex's sweater stuffed inside it. A sleeve fell out. She zipped it up completely as if the evidence alone might condemn her.

"You're late." Her Mom announced when the screen door popped open.

Ellie tried to smile but she couldn't. She only hoped her Mom wouldn't come any closer. Right now, she didn't want anyone too close.

"Sorry." Ellie stared and did not stumble toward the sidewalk.

"Where were you?" Her Mom wouldn't take her eyes off her.

"Just at the library." She had a novel planned out in her head. She hoped she could remember it. "I was with Eric. We must have lost track of time."

"The last day of school and you go to the library. That was the last place we'd think to look." She shrugged then.

"Its the summer reading program," Ellie said holding on her backpack strap. She edged her way up the steps then. "You know, I always sign up to be a Junior Friend." She squeezed past her and up the stairs to her room.

She shut her door, dropped the backpack then leaned against the door, thinking her legs might give as she dropped to the floor. Really she didn't want to talk to anyone. Ellie wasn't even sure she could stand straight again without shaking. She wanted a shower. She wanted not to think about it.

Ellie grabbed some clean clothes from her dresser and went to the bathroom as if she did this everytime she came home from school. Luckily, Lisa wasn't around. There were no more questions. At least for the moment.

She switched on the hot water fast and undressed. Thinking, it would all wash away, but she shivered under the hot water thinking of Rex. And what had happened. Really, the whole sequence of events didn't last all that long. Yet it could change everything. Everything.

Even soaping up, she couldn't stop thinking about where they'd been at the river. They'd gone to the river. They'd stayed in the truck. And she'd kissed him then. They'd kissed. There were no questions. No discussions. But it was different. Just different. Like a rush she couldn't quite grasp. And she remembered how the windows fogged, and how she always thought it would be dark when something like this happened. But it hadn't been that way at all. It had been daylight, and he had seen all of her.

She cringed, catching her breath.

Was she out of her mind? She thought of herself walking into smoke, not knowing where she was going or what might happen next, and she didn't even care. She hadn't even cared. At that moment.

Ellie told him she was ready. At least she thought she was. At least Rex would know what he was doing, wouldn't he? She hadn't even thought of him with her sister. It just wasn't on her mind. Instead, it was this fight within herself to be someone else. To not let this silly thing with Kyle hurt her. She kept telling herself she wouldn't get hurt. Nothing could hurt her. Not if she willed it. Not if she stayed in the truck with Rex.

It was like another world. Perhaps. But somehow she'd came back to this one. And she felt more alone now than she ever felt before. And it really hurt to got to the bathroom, too. Nobody ever mentioned this might happen. How was she ever going to get through dinner now?

Ellie shampooed her hair then and rinsed with conditioner. She had to get dressed. She had to be normal. Everything had to be normal. Normal. Did she know what that was?

Finally, she was ready. Combed wet hair. She was in her favorite cutoffs, rolled at the ends just right, and the freshly washed Green Day shirt that only good things were suppose to happen in when she wore it. But she wasn't so sure about that, anymore.

Just then she heard a familar voice say, "Your rooster's here."

"What! I didn't order a rooster. I only wanted hens that lay eggs!" Ellie's father replied.

She couldn't see them. They'd gone out the front door and around the house because her Dad still hadn't unstuck the patio door yet which was something he could have done years ago, but he was a procrastinator.

She wasn't sure if she even wanted to know what they were doing. Why was Kyle here? He wasn't suppose to be here. Was he?

Ellie turned toward the kitchen where Lisa and her Mom were frying chicken. Geo was with her sister, and he was standing there watching while her mother worked with the flour coated chicken.

Ellie edged herself toward the fridge for a bottle of water, she was starving, but the cold water would do.

They'd stopped talking. Ellie stared at them as if she'd intruded something personal so she went back out into the livingroom and began to channel surf out of habit.

The screendoor swung open. It was Kyle.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Kyle asked. "Come on, and see the hens."

She said nothing but got up and followed him out to the backyard. There was the coop with three chickens out in the yard.

"They love it in there." Kyle nodded.

"Where were you after school?" She looked at him then who seemed so innocent. Too innocent for her to be around.

"We got out a little early. I was with Caleb. We made up." Kyle said.

"What?" She choked on a laugh thinking it was funny to hear the words 'we made up' coming from him about a boy.

"Yeah, Kelsey broke up with him. We really didn't have anything to fight about then. And he promised he'd corn detassel with me this summer. You can too, if you want."

"We'll see." But she could think of lot easier work to find, like babysitting. "Its just I didn't find you."

"I came here right after. We looked everywhere for you." He then said.

She nodded as if she was about to cry, but she held it in. Just then her Mom called out that dinner was ready.