if that's not enough

Dear Diary,

Kyle and I broke up, but how come I feel closer to him than ever before? Maybe we'll always be friends. Maybe.

Its just been freaky since school has been out. Nothing seems right since Mom has been back. She's so close to my sister that it makes me sick to my stomach.

I can't dare talk to her about Rex. I haven't heard from Rex. I haven't called him, either. He has my cell phone number. He knows where to reach me.

Maybe I'm suicidal and I don't know it. I mean, I didn't get into that truck with him just to have sex. I don't think. I don't know. Am I the only one who could make mistakes like this to this magnitude?

What happened to me? I use to be so good. But where has that got me? Exactly. No where. But then again, where did it get me, having sex with Rex? Was it just some secret revenge toward my sister that I wasn't even conscious of?

I go in bouts with the crying thing. I hope Mom doesn't know. I don't want to worry her. I don't want to want to worry. I hate this.

Mom's been making over Lisa and her problem. Its disgusting. But I try not to think about it. I try to just stay out of the way. I've been spending more time with Eric, who's Mom must really think I'm in love him now.

He's been a good friend. Really. He can drive. So we go places. We went thrifting a time or two just to get my mind off things, I suppose. He doesn't ask about it.

I guess Kyle is working hard at that landscaping place this summer. We don't talk which I sort of knew we would, but I was hoping he might come around..Maybe he thinks I know too much now. And I didn't ever want to talk about Rex.

But I'm so ready for summer. I hope, anyway.

Later,

L