stuck in the middle

Dear Diary,

I know its been a while. OK, how about forever. I'm so frustrated I don't even know where to start and yet, I know I should leave well enough alone. But then I start to wonder about the truth.

Is Ben my brother?

So much I know and don't know.

Aunt Maggie is keeping a closed lip, lately. Maybe she thinks she told me too much.

I gotta think of a way to talk to Mom about all of this. I know we've hit a rough patch. I don't know why she has to dislike Eric so much. Its like she doesn't want me to be happy. Is it because she's never been happy?

The days are so long here. And its so ungodly hot. You just want to wear little as possible and Aunt Maggie keeps insisting I need to wear more clothes. We don't see eye to eye on anything, but I'm trying. I'm trying my best.

Of course, I'm a rotten cook. My driving stinks. Sort of. Even though Lonnie seems to think I'm getting better.

He's been a good friend. Hasn't really asked me questions about anything. He's just there, you know. At least, he's not too quiet. But then he doesn't talk all that much about himself. I don't know how he does it. Out here all alone with his grandmother. I don't want to feel sorry for him. I know he'd hate that.

But still I hope he meets somebody amazing. Only I don't see how when you're stuck out here.

I just want to get back to the best person I know. Funny, I kept thinking of Eric the entire time I was at church. I guess that was bad. But there would be this story about Stephen or who ever and it was always staring Eric in my mind. He'd laugh if he knew I was doing that. I just want to see him. So much. I want to see his smile, hear his laugh, just be near him.

I'm thankful I can talk to him everyday. I just hate getting off the phone with him.

Stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Later,

L