hello goodbye - end of book 1

Ellie drifted off asleep as soon as they left for home. Perhaps she could drive part of the way if Eric trusted her enough. As it was, they said nothing to each other the first hour or so. Just the CD player kept MGMT on cue most of the way.

"I was getting pretty sick of the Sounds," Eric finally said. "You know, you really liked their stuff for a while."

"Did I?" She hadn't thought about that. She hadn't thought about anything much, really. Just her bed, perhaps. She couldn't wait to get back to some of her crochet projects. She had a baby blanket almost finished for Amanda. "Look, I'm not trying to cause-" She melted into tears then. "I want you to be happy, and I can see you're really happy without me."

"You know, I don't hate you." Eric said quickly as he kept his eyes on the road. He didn't look at her once. She really wanted him, too, but he didn't.

She just nodded.

"I'm sorry. I thought things would be better if you thought...that." He winced a little and just sighed.

Ellie crossed her arms.

"I guess you're pretty much ready for graduation." Ellie cleared her throat.

"I suppose." His voice was dull. "I might go back with my dad a bit. Dunno if I can. Sometimes, I think it would be best to get into some summer classes right away. You know, just get on with it."

"You need a break. Maybe...maybe Olivia, could come." She sniffed.

"Its not-" Eric cleared his throat this time. "Its not like you and me." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I know-" More tears came. "I know you love her. I can see it." She thought she might choke on her own tears then. "I'm not sure I can have something like that." She sniffed more. If she got bronchitis now, she deserved it. She truly did.

"Don't say that."

She thought he laughed then, but she saw he was crying too.

"Just promise me, you're going to be the best you can be this coming senior year. Just make the most of-it. Don't let anyone get in your way. You just have to find what you want to do with your life. You can't make everybody happy. Only... its little things, you know, its the little things that get you through the crappy stuff."

"You gonna write that in my year book?" Ellie tried to smile.

"Yeah, maybe I will."

The tears were almost gone now. She hoped she got her voice completely back because she knew she had to call home.