without a compass

Olivia really wished Roger had been with her when Steve showed up out of the blue at the library.

"How did you get here?" He was still a mystery to her. She could never be sure if she meant anything to him or not. Perhaps these were just accidents. After all, he didn't drive, he lived an hour away still at home, but he managed to find time to bump into her on campus.

"I know my way." He looked at her point blank that she better not make a fuss about it.

"I know." But it made her uncomfortable just the same. It felt like an intrusion of some sort. "Well, its nice to see you." Why had she said that? Really, she wasn't sure how nice it was. Instead, it left a lump in her throat. Just when she thought she could handle any situation with him, she wasn't sure.

He seemed to plow his way through everything. Although, he made her think of a Shriek of some sort. That was just a kid's story, this was the real deal and she could easily imagine him snapping up flies with his tongue or eating the whole can of soda. She so thought she knew him, but maybe she didn't.

They sat for a while at a table, and he got out some of his poetry to show her.

"Very nice." She decided they needed to be quiet. Of course, she had no idea if he understood or not so she wrote him a note. Of course, the poetry was dark and brutal. The usual blood and guts of a dark lord among the demons.

She wanted to say something like, "You know I'm a preacher's daughter, don't you? I don't think my dad would approve of this..." But she didn't. She did her best to praise him and make suggestions if she could. She rarely did. He didn't like them.

"Anymore poetry slams?"

He gave her a list of dates to put on her calender.

"You'll come, won't you?" He said so gruffly.

"Of course." She smiled sweetly. "Do you mind if I bring along....people." Of course, she could only think of Roger. Possibly, he'd want to perform then. It might be a good thing.

"I don't care." His voice was dull.

"Then that means a yes." She wanted to show support, but not solo support.

"Are you seeing anyone?"

Olivia gave Steve a dead stare then. "Yes, I am." She said quickly. "I'm seeing someone." It wasn't quite a lie, but it wasn't the truth, either. She hadn't the heart to tell anyone it was over with Eric. She hadn't even told Roger.

She thought she might be physically ill then. She picked up her stuff and raced to the restroom then to throw some cold water on her face. She hated being so lost without Eric.

Olivia stared at her light green eyes, thinking now, Eric had been her compass. She really had to start writing again. But when she did, she always thought about him. Constantly.