It made Eric feel better to make Syd a CD mix. Of course starting it out with Kiss with a fist from Florence and the machine possibly wasn't the best first song to have, but he liked it and then he noticed the next song about good old fashioned nightmare from Matt and Kim. Could she possibly get the idea what he was going through at the moment?
He doubted it. Why did he even try?
It hadn't helped that he knew Liz was back. He was avoiding her like the plague because he didn't want anything to do with her. She was quite toxic as far as he was concerned. Or was that clinical. She was practically germ free with all those condoms and what not. But still. Didn't want to go there.
He was in love. Desperate as that may be. He was consumed with it.
"I'm beginning to think you're a right nutter." Ian had told him over the phone. "You enjoy this sickness."
"I do not." Eric fretted more at the thought that Ian thought this of him.
"Suppose, she came and wanted you, dear brother, could you stand it? Really?" Ian suggested that he'd loss this grip he had if she wanted him. He wasn't like that? Was he? Was this just some sick fantasy? Wanting something that he knew deep down didn't want him at all?
This sort of helplessness was making him to forget to eat, clean up after himself. He was worse off in his studies than before.
He listened to the last tune on the cd then, Marina and the Diamonds' I'm not a robot. It filled his eyes with tears. He bit his chapped lips then. He was going to see Syd. He was. It was perhaps a last chance to clear things up.