never better

Kelsey felt as if she'd been in a daze for weeks now. She couldn't eat. She slept a lot. She felt as if she were in a dream state of some kind. In the beginning. Now everything irritated her. Perhaps, it had to do that Rex wouldn't return her phone calls. She felt as if she were falling off in the deep end.

She walked around in a state of sadness. She wanted him to want her, but she didn't know how that would be possible. When he was here, it was great. It was amazing and now she felt quite helpless without him. Kelsey had never let herself feel that way about a guy. Never.

Perhaps, Kyle sensed that now. She wondered when she'd see him at school. Acting like she wasn't there. It made her feel all the more miserable because there was a time she felt she was saving him from Amanda. Stupid, she knew, but she'd felt so bad for him. It had been the perfect timing over the summer. And it had been nice. Having someone to be with. Even if he kept her at arms length, half the time.

How could he have turned on her so quickly. So what if she outed Nick. It would have happened sooner or later. It hadn't been that big of a deal, had it? Granted, she had exactly talked about what she'd done to Nick. It was water under the bridge as far as she was concerned.

Now, Kyle was giving her the silent treatment. Honestly, it didn't really bother her now. She guessed. Most of the time.

Only, he was just getting colder. Like, possibly, he really hated her now. No one had ever hated her. She bet Nick didn't even hate her. Really, January was getting off to a horrible start. More snow to contend with followed by snow days which she spent mostly alone hybernating, thinking of Rex, wondering if she'd ever see him again.

And then Ellie called her. She wanted to do lunch. She wanted them to be friends. Finally. Yeah, things were normal even if she felt she'd really been sick lately. Sick of her friends. Sick of how it was going to be this year at school. Kelsey thought she was on the verge of disappearing, but then Ellie called.

"I've been worried about you," Ellie said.

"There's really nothing to worry about. Really." Kelsey swore.

"Sorry about you and Kyle." Ellie reminded her.

"Really, its all right." Kelsey tried to remain optomistic. No one really meant anything to her these days but Rex. A part of her wanted to ask Ellie about Rex, but she didn't. But it felt nice that Ellie wanted to know about her. No one seemed to ask her, anymore. She supposed she wasn't as special as she always thought she was. Perhaps this was what it meant to grow up.