Wednesday, September 1, 2010
into the horizon
"I don't know if I'm ready for this." She told Ellie who was going for a walk with her. Syd wasn't even sure she wanted to walk all the way to the park.
"What do you mean?" Ellie was in the same boat. She was so tiny. Seriously, it looked as if something huge was growing inside her. Syd was afraid to say much. She didn't want to scare her. Perhaps it had to do with all the horror stories she'd heard from co-workers. How bad it could be. Child birth.
"I mean, I'm afraid everytime I go pee, my water might be breaking. Or, or what if -" She didn't want to be gross. "You know, what if she pops out right in the toilet?"
"Try not to think about it." Ellie almost winked with a smile. "Have you thought about names? Do you have everything ready?"
"Ready?" Syd felt so numb. No, she didn't think she was ready. For any of this. "Oh god, and Eric wants to get married." She didn't mean to frown, but that was the last thing she needed at the moment.
"Well, you love him, don't you?" Ellie looked at her.
"Yes." She smiled. That she did. It was like a breath of fresh sunshine air when she thought about them. Together. She did want it to happen.
"Look, he just wants you two to be a family. You can have a big wedding later." Ellie told her.
"But you and Lon didn't have that big wedding." Syd gave her an ominous look. "Remember, how you said you'd have this country wedding in Texas?"
"We didn't need one." Ellie shrugged as she walked along down the street with Syd.
"Whats happened with you two?" Syd could see there was a strain. It wasn't like it used to be. Lon was so serious now.
"We're fine." Ellie sighed. They walked to the end of the street. Syd didn't feel like crossing the street to the park.
"No, you're not. What's wrong?" Syd wanted to know.
"Look, he loves me. I love him. We'll be fine. We will. Its just I have to get used to the fact that he has a daughter with someone," Ellie said.
"But he had Charlie with someone else." Syd reminded her. Ellie looked away then. Syd knew she'd hit a tender spot with her. She hadn't meant too. "Come on, lets get back to the house. I'm suppose to decide when I want a baby shower. Some ladies at work want to be a part of it too."
Syd knew she had to stay positive. Keep looking ahead. This was no time to stand still. And she could see Ellie was trying as hard as she could under the same conditions.
"So will you want to make it a wedding shower, too?" Ellie then offered.
Syd just smiled. "Lets just get me married. I hate the thought of white, right now. I'm so messy."
Ellie just laughed. Syd was glad to see Ellie hadn't lost her smile yet.