Friday, November 26, 2010
Standin all alone in a black coat
Derrick felt a bit shaky. He'd rode his sister's bike in the cold. Now the ice was beating down his back. But he couldn't feel it. He couldn't really feel anything now.
The chill did nothing for what he felt inside. The heat of emotion ran through his veins, and he didn't know what to do. He didn't.
Why was it, he had to say anything at all? He knew he shouldn't have. He knew he was way off. So off. He could hear his heartbeat racing. In fact, he could barely catch his breath, but he found the cigarette in the bottom of his coat pocket. He'd had it for an awful long time. And he was alone now, and he thought he could use it. He really could. Except, he didn't have a light. He closed his eyes tight, and the heat inside slipped into tears. What else could go wrong?
He pushed his hands deep in into his old navy coat and breathed in and out the cold, thinking of Ian. How he'd reacted. He should have expected it. Why hadn't he? Derrick was angry now. He didn't know what he was trying to prove. Wasn't like he'd tried kiss him because he hadn't. He'd just grabbed Ian's wrist.
"What are you doing? Homo." He'd laughed it off. Maybe Derrick had laughed it off too. Maybe Ian thought it was just fun now. Funny. Being silly. Naturally, Ian pushed him off. Some books tumbled down and hit both of them. Derrick had just stared at the books laying in the floor. He didn't even pick them up. Like the books falling, it had finally hit him, out of nowhere. He had feelings for Ian, and he hated it. He did. He really did.
"Where are you going?" Ian had asked.
"Uh, I gotta go. I forgot something." Derrick has nursed him bottom lip.
Now he wanted to forget. He wanted to forget Ian, but he knew he wasn't going too. Instead he ran up the old fire escape of the vacant building. He went to the roof. Stood there in the freezing rain wishing he was anywhere but here. He dug in a secret pocket inside his coat then. He found a lighter. A slight smile came to his face.