Sunday, February 27, 2011
He thought of the day he told her that Kyle would never marry her. He didn't mean to insult her. It was the truth. And she needed to know. It was going no where with Kyle. It never would.
He knew he'd got to her at that moment. While there were other moments that weren't quite like a knife. Like dancing to some old Pink Floyd tune in the grocery store when they were shopping. They were just killing time. Harmless. But it had made her smile. Made him smile. She made him forget things.
Then he'd go and do something not so nice, like tell her she had no talent in making things.
Still, he couldn't decide why he did this to Amber. Exactly. Was it the notion to make her feel as useless as he felt? Was it to give her a reality check that life was not fair? No way was she going to get what she wanted if she stayed with Kyle. Who wanted to be somebody step-mother to someone's daughter she'd never marry?
Not that he wanted to marry Amber.
But he was bored. And he wanted some fun. But just what kind of fun did he want?
Should he tell her he missed Olivia? It wasn't that exactly? Was it? He hated questioning himself, over and over. He wanted to leave his options open. And maybe he wanted Amber to be that option. She was here. No one else was.
If only he could will it, he would. Perhaps, he wanted to blame it all on a cold winter's day. He couldn't blame it on himself. No, he couldn't do that when he looked at her now.
Yes, when he breathed her in, it was like a golden secret of some kind, spinning its own energy. Funny, it was just a kiss, but it felt for sure, like the beginning of something spectacular.