at the door

"Kyle knows." Her words sounded so final. As if that would be the last thing Amber ever said to him.

Roger was taking a risk on his phone, he knew. Doyle was in the kitchen looking through the fridge. His heartbeat rang through his ears as if an alarm was in place.

"Don't call me!" Amber screamed into the phone. "I don't want to do this! I don't want..anything to do with you!"

Roger really wasn't listening. He was calculating it in his head, when Kyle might get there. The sun was out. Still morning classes were canceled at the university. It was time to dig out. That's what a normal person would do.

Roger wondered how long he'd have until Doyle would know, about the Amber situation. At least, she hadn't called Doyle.

Funny, the sex had been so much better during this little secret world. With Doyle. He could live on that like a roller-coaster ride. Now he felt hot. Then cold. Was he sweating? He might have been. His heart. It would not quieten.

"Who was that?" Doyle asked when he got off the phone.

"Oh, it was nothing. Just-just someone telling me a class was canceled." Roger tried to shake it off. Don't be an idiot. Just relax. He kept telling himself.

"But you knew that already. Didn't you call someone?" Doyle looked at him. He was making waffles. They had all the ingredients they needed.

"Yeah, it was crazy. I woke them up. I do that some times." Roger gave Doyle a nervous smile. "They..they just wanted me..you know..."

"Know what?" Doyle looked back at him innocently enough.

"Nothing." Roger choked on a laughed.

"What is so funny? Are you laughing at me? That I'm using a recipe on the back of the box of Bisquick?" Doyle smiled then as he got out the measuring utensils and a big bowl.

"I don't think I'm hungry." Roger suddenly said. "Maybe I should shovel snow." That's what he'd do. He went to get his coat, but he closed his eyes tight. God, if Doyle wasn't too good for him. Always had been. Always would. Everyone was good. Everyone, but him.

"Roger?" Doyle called after him.

But Roger breathed in the cold air like a poison. He really felt sick. He did. He just wished Kyle would get here.

Roger went forward. He didn't look back. He didn't listen to Doyle's warning, to wait for the snow plows. Just wait. No, he didn't want to. He started scraping the driveway. But there was ice underneath. It was more than just crunchy. This did not seem like a spring snow. What the hell had happened? The wind sank threw him. He felt so weak and impure. He knew he couldn't do anything right.

He looked up to see Kyle get out of his truck. His older brother was with him. They looked more like twins. Roger suddenly thought. Except, Sam was bigger. Possibly, thicker.

"Well, your back." Roger said, ever so brightly.

"Yeah, so I am." Kyle looked him in the eye. He said nothing else as he and Sam went in. Slammed the front door behind him. Roger was very aware he was so alone. A snow plow breezed by and sprayed snow all over him. He guessed he deserved that.