Sunday, March 6, 2011
collecting the calm
Roger didn't think Ellie could tell. Not really. Oh, she might of thought she knew what was up with him, but she didn't. Not with Amber.
It had taken him by surprise too. Really, it was fun. Roger needed a little fun. Doyle was either stressed about work, or felt they never had anytime to themselves. Always some excuse with him, or so Roger thought.
He wished he wasn't like this, but this was a little bit of happiness..he couldn't let go..even if ..even if it might hurt a few people.
Of course, he knew Amber was going to put him off. It was intended to stop. Some how, he'd turned it all around. Seriously, they hadn't done anything. Why was she like this? They'd had a little screaming match about it. After the kiss. Well, not exactly, afterwards. But later. Days later. Only, it had seemed to fuel the energy of this little tryst more. Yeah, he guess it was twisted. But he liked it that way.
It was like something between the walls. You know, not quite obvious. Was it?
The first time it happened was in the backseat of his car. It was definitely more than a kiss now.
"That's not sleeping together." Just a technicality. No bed was involved. That had to count for something, didn't it? On one hand it did, but on the other. It made him laugh on the inside.
Just what was it that drove them to do it? Was it finding unlikely public restroom to make their own? Or just the cold?
"I think you're own drugs." Amber finally came to conclusion.
"No, just you." Didn't she find that flattering? Possibly, he was cold hearted and calculating..when they could spend some time..alone...again.
He was thinking it right now, here with Ellie. He just couldn't get it out of his mind, a plan to meet Amber..somewhere..somehow..sometime. The future. Oh, he didn't want to get caught. He didn't. Because he'd hate the tantalizing feeling to end what gave his skin a sensation on the inside.
But there was the other side. It pained him how devastated Doyle might be..if he knew. He knew it would hurt him. So he didn't think about it. He would not think what this might do to Doyle. If only he didn't have to feel anything for anyone. And yet, that's what kept him coming back for more.