Monday, March 21, 2011
in the shadows
Her mother gave her the warmed soup. She was late. She'd spent most of the evening just driving around. She almost went to her brother's home instead of here. She felt lost. Possibly numb. If only this could be the worst of it, but she hadn't told Kyle anything. Maybe she wouldn't.
"Is anything the matter?" Her mother's pale eyes met hers.
Amber froze there at the kitchen table. Her dad was out at some farmer's meeting. She wondered what he'd say when he got home. They hadn't spoken in so long. Although, she talked to her mom at least once a week. But that had stopped recently. Her mother reminded her.
Amber shook her head, no. She started in on the beef and vegetable soup, but she choked once she got to a small wedge of meat.
"What happened?" Her mother grabbed her wrist then.
"Its-its nothing." Amber cleared her throat and took a sip of milk. She felt ill then as she looked at her Mom's sad eyes. "I'm- I need to stay here. Can I?"
"Of course." Her mother said instantly with out even thinking of her father and their little war between each other. Amber thought how he got on his high tirade about her and birth control. She was suppose to wait for marriage. Not play marriage. Not with someone who had a child, already.
Amber nibbled at her bottom lip. She cringed then.
"What did Kyle do to you?" Her mom looked at her as if she better fess up. "Has he hurt you?"
"You know, he'd never hurt me, Mom." Amber gave her a serious look.
"Then what is it?"
"Mom." She croaked then. "I've done something.." She shook her head. "I can't. I can't lie to him, anymore. I just want to be here. OK?" She sniffed tears then as she hugged herself. She felt so cold. Finally, she put the soup in the sink. Her glass of milk too. She couldn't finish anything.
She raced up the stairs to her old room. It was just like she remembered it. Quite simple. A thin half-bed. Her book shelf of all her favorite books, with her My Little Pony collection on the shelf above them. There was a fine dust on all of it. Her room had been shut off from the rest of the heat of the house. They didn't use this room, anymore.
She jerked her cell out of her back pocket then. She finally got the nerve to turn it on. There were at least twenty messages from Roger. Not a one from Kyle. Her cell vibrated in her hand then. She dropped it on the bed. It was Kyle.
"Hey, you at your folks?" She heard his voice. She said nothing.
"Amber, you there?" His voice was full of concern.
"Yeah, I'm-I'm here." She finally sighed.
"That's good. I dunno when I'm gonna get home.I think Rosie and I will stay the night. Its starting to be a blizzard. We got like a whole house full of people. Good thing, you didn't have to come." He told her.
"You're not coming down with some thing, are you?" Kyle asked.
"I dunno." She felt so far away from him. No way would they ever be as close as they might have been. "Maybe."
"Call me, before you come home, OK? If you want, I could come and get you." Kyle offered.
"That's OK." She was quiet then, trying to get the energy to get this done while she had a chance. "I don't know when I'm coming back. I'm - I'm thinking of just staying here, for awhile."
"A while?" Now Kyle's voice gave her a jolt. "What do you mean?"
"I'm thinking...maybe.." She sighed then as she closed her eyes. "I - I need to break up with you." She clicked off then. Turned her phone completely off.
She sat on the bed. A few minutes later she heard the house phone ring. She sat there in the cold of the room, letting the fact set in. Kyle was going to want to know. Everything.