Wednesday, June 29, 2011
just a chance
"But I don't want to go to the middle school." She blubbered. Perhaps it was the hormones kicking in. It was as if she hadn't set still for anything the past few months. Asa handed her a tissue.
"It might not be that bad." Asa put his arm around her.
"But I knew the students. They loved me." She choked on more tears.
"What you really need to do is relax. You have the baby to worry about, you know." Asa reminded her, she was due any day now.
Amanda nodded. It was a girl. Rosie was so excited about it. Amanda tried to be excited to. She knew Elliot was ecstatic, but she found herself not thinking about the baby much. It was this job. Teaching. Now this. It would be like starting from scratch. Not just one school to worry about in the district, but two. The East Middle school and the West Middle school. It felt like a circus to her. Already, the music department was expecting miracles, and she hadn't even seen where she'd be teaching.
"They said I didn't look old enough to be a high school teacher." Her eyes were red-rimmed now. She felt like such a failure. But Asa hugged her close, or what he could get to. She felt the baby's feet kick high as if to wake her up. She looked at Asa.
"I wish the baby was already here, you know." She did. Right now. Get this over with. She knew he was right. It was the baby she needed to be thinking about. And she was.
"It won't be long." He told her she just needed to rest. Stop stressing.
She hadn't the time to worry if the baby was OK. Amanda guessed everything was right on time, although, she felt a bit of an idiot to have this go for six months without an inkling what was happening. She was such an idiot. She guessed. If she let herself, she would have beaten herself up emotionally about that too.
Amanda closed her eyes as if she needed a little prayer to help her through this. It was like a second chance to make this right. With family. A career. "Just don't let me screw it up. I don't want to screw it up. I just don't." Of course, she wasn't sure what scared her the most..a new baby or a new job.