Sunday, July 31, 2011
piece by piece
Rox was listening to all of Amanda's woes while she was finishing up, folding towels for Amanda's bathroom closet. All that was on Amanda's mind was that job. How she felt she'd been ripped off, somehow. As if she'd been promised a job that plenty of music teachers never coveted until they'd spent almost a decade or so in the district.
"Is that all you can think about?" Rox glared back at Amanda. "You haven't even mentioned Pearl, once." Rox shook her head in disbelief. "How could you even let Elliot have the baby? After all you've been through, with him. Looks like, you'd be worried about her schedule. If she's doing OK. If she had a safe place to stay. If she liked her room. If she's comfortable." Rox stopped. She knew she'd said too much. She could feel the tension in her voice, but she couldn't help to say. "Its all about you, isn't it?"
Amanda swelled a frown and stomped off to the bedroom.
Rox sighed. She went to check on Rosie and Jai who were off in Rosie's room building something with big LEGOS.
She asked them if they needed anything. They were too busy to even answer. Rox smiled went to the kitchen to wash the dishes left in the sink. She hated that she'd talked this way to Amanda, but she thought Asa was treating her like a China doll. She never had to cook. All she seemed do lately were read those Harlequin romance novels or work on a crossword puzzles, she never seemed to finish anything. Rox had been over every evening to help out. Make sure Rosie had clean clothes or if the groceries had been kept up.
Of course, Rox remembered her own mother. She was never quite sure her mother was that depressed about anything. Although, she was a drug addict and there was alcohol. There were bitter sweet times. And she hated to be a witness to anything like that now. She certainly didn't want her own child to have to grow up that way. Although, she did wish she could give Jai more. But she was sure he was spoiled enough as it was.
Finally, Amanda came to the kitchen. At least, she was dressed. She didn't have her nose stuck in a paperback, ignoring everyone.
"I'm sorry I said..what I said..." Rox's voice cracked.
"You ..you were right. I know..I really didn't want it to turn out like this. I- want Pearl here. Its, its..work...really, I can't concentrate. I just..have these awful thoughts. Like, I'm going to leave her in the bathtub or, I'll hurt her some way. You know. I don't want it to be that way. I don't. I - I just thought, if I had a few days, to myself." Amanda hugged herself.
"But-but..you're so good with Rosie. How? How-" Rox winced, looking at Amanda as she went to rinse a dish.
"Kyle..just knew what to do." Amanda sort of smiled. "He did everything. Really. I mean, he knew I had to study. And he kept up the pace. Somehow. I totally took advantage of the whole situation. He didn't care about going back to school. And I really didn't think about how I kept him, from having anything normal. Honestly, I didn't know how great he was until..well, I left him." Amanda broke down, sitting in the dining room chair. "How could I've done that to him? Roxie? How come I ruin, everything?"
'You haven't ruined, everything. You just have to stop dwelling on the negative and think positive. Enjoy your baby. Just hold her and talk to her. Let her know, who you are. None of us are perfect." Rox told her. "Hey, and you've a got a job. You're doing something you love to do, Amanda. Remember that."
Amanda nodded, but Rox knew only Amanda would know when the time was right to have Pearl here. It probably wouldn't be today.