Sunday, July 24, 2011
the twilight of sleep
He'd had a good talking to with his Mom, although, he didn't want to listen to her rhetoric about Amanda. His mother might be right, but he couldn't tell her that. All Amanda needed was some time. He had to think of this time as a gift, not a sentence. After all, Pearl was his baby, too.
Of course, it was all new, having Rachel in the house, too. He felt as if he lived among strangers, so suddenly. He kept to himself. He didn't want to spoil it for the newlyweds.
"Are you sure you can handle it?" Penelope phoned him. Of course, she wasn't coming over. She hadn't even looked at Pearl, other than the pictures he'd sent by his cell. She didn't say much. He was beginning to think he must be attracted to those who hated kids.
"Of course." He wasn't going to ask anything of her. Wasn't that they were in a real relationship other than the nightly phone calls. Yet, Elliot was sure he'd spoke to quickly. He didn't know if he could handle, any of this. He felt so weak still. His back was never the same since the accident, but he tried not to think about it. He had to have a positive out look.
Asa and Derrick brought the baby over. Derrick even showed Elliot how to put the carseat in properly. It felt so permanent, somehow.
"You sure, she's all right?" Elliot sensed he should know all of this, about Amanda. After all, he was there with her the first few weeks with Evan. Of course, he'd resented her a lot then. He knew he'd chosen to over-look it. After all, they had Eric to depend on. Evan was his. But now, it was his turn.
"She will be." Asa promised. Amanda was seeing about herself. She was getting back on her medication.
Elliot had to wonder if he needed to be medicated too. Especially after the second day. Pearl kept him up two days in a row. Where did the time go? He wondered. This wasn't easy at all. Of course, the place was new to her. He sensed that. And he felt as if he talked nonstop to the baby.
"Well, she isn't a puppy." Rachel informed him. "You're keeping her awake."
"Me?" There they both were looking at the dark haired baby in her crib in his room. Why did everyone seem to think they knew what to do, but him? They weren't to take care of her 24 hours a day, like he was.
He watched Rachel with the baby. She properly wrapped her up as if she needed to be in a cocoon. A part of him wanted to throw his hands up. He would never have this learned. Precisely. He did try to rest when Pearl did. After all, Rachel seemed to know the trick.
But the next thing he knew, he woke up with Pearl next to him. It was a shock. How did that happened? When did it happened? He'd never wanted to sleep with the baby, but suddenly, it was a secret he had to keep to himself.