Thursday, October 20, 2011
Amanda woke up in the middle of the night. It was another nightmare. She'd been having them, lately. It was about teaching. Her classroom. It felt so reoccurring that it might be true. Always a student with a gun. So calm and adamant. Amanda was always the target.
So she kept an eye out for such a thing. She'd never worried this much at the high school. But it never failed, there was always some sort of outburst in class. Girls sassed back. Boys would tell her she was too young to be their teacher. There was even one student who bet she didn't even know how to play the piano. What kind of music teacher was she?
First she sent the bad ones to the office, but then she realized, she was giving them what they wanted. Next it meant more homework. Extra work. Reports. Threats of ZEROS. They would all have to suffer through it together. There might have been a handful that really took music serious.
"I want to quit, but I can't." She told Asa one night, after the dishes were done. "What have I got myself into?" She just knew she might have an ulcer(which she didn't). She did go to an evening appointment about it. God forbid, if she got a sub. That would be too much work in itself, and she would hate to put anyone through what she went through, everyday.
"Maybe, you should be with elementary school kids." Asa didn't understand the system. This was what she got.
"I don't want elementary. Besides, those programs have been cut. I would be at even more schools. Like five. I'd be at a different one, each day of the week." She shook her head, practically in tears.
"You just need a support team." Asa put his arm around her.
It wasn't that easy. She didn't know that many teachers at school, and they all looked at her as if she had it a lot easier than they did. They gladly marched their class down to the music room. It gave them a break to work on their own lesson plans.
Supposedly, there was a music teachers' monthly meeting, but she'd never made it to one, yet. It was always at some pizza place, out of the way. But she promised herself she'd try harder. She'd be on the ball, looking for trouble. Now if she only had the energy to do it.
But there was Asa doing his best to make her feel better, and usually around bedtime..she did feel better, but those bad dreams at 2 in the morning hit her like a sledge hammer.