Saturday, December 10, 2011
Too many bad things had happened, already, in his life. A dad who was never home. No mother. Not this. He would not go into the house. He stood their sullen in the cold dark night. Snow drifted slowly up above. Shrilling, dancing over head and finally on him. He sighed, deeply.
"Are you coming? Asa needs us." Max told him who was standing in the doorway of warmth.
Derrick shook his head, no. "I can't stay here." There were no tears. Just his sullen self. He was starting to doubt his acting potential at the moment. Why wasn't he an emotional wreck?
"Where will you go?" Max offered to call Ian for him.
Derrick shook his head, no. Ian would have been here already for him..if...
Derrick didn't want to drag Ian into this. Besides, Derrick was the one who had told Ian they were finished. It would be just wrong. Wrong, right now.
He turned to go. He walked a lot slower than he wanted. But his body was out of energy. Still he knew where he wanted to be. The cold and snow hit his face, but he didn't really notice. Finally, a few blocks later, he got to Josie's house.
"Did you know?" He first asked. She shook her head. Told him it was on the news. She told him about the tragedy at the grocery store, wondered if it were connected.
"Wasn't that guy staying at your house?" Her question was simple. Nausea over took Derrick. His body started to shake. He was so cold. He needed to sit down. He'd walked a long way, he guessed. Maybe that was it. No, it was knowing. Knowing what Amanda did now.
"She..she was like ..like a mother..to me." Derrick squinted. How come it came so easily to cry with Josie here? "I..didn't ever..tell her..how..how much..she meant to me...you know." He looked up at Josie. "And..and.." He shook his head. He didn't want to think of his sister involved with that scruffy stranger.
He was mixed with emotions. He knew his sister too well. But was it the truth he knew? Did he really ever know her? Did he?
"I hate this feeling." He caught his lip. "I hate it, Josie." He could barely breathe the words. "I just want it to go away." His voice cracked. "Make it got away, Josie."
He felt her arms around him and the side of her head touched his forehead. He closed his eyes as the tears kept coming, but felt adrift of an emotional ocean that only Josie could anchor.