just a few sad questions

Elliot wasn't sure what he could really do for Asa. Exactly. It was pretty simple to him that he wasn't much good at this. He made a few calls. Including Amanda's Dad, with the news. Then he called his cousin Will and Jacob. They promised to be on their way.

After he got off the phone, he wondered if it were a mistake. Did they really need so much family here? They'd need a place to stay. There would be lots of meals. He called his Mom. Thankfully, she could take care of that. Of course, her words weren't much of a comfort even if she told him how sorry she was.

"OK." It was all he could manage. He sat across from Asa who looked at his black coffee. They needed to discuss funeral arrangements and such. If only Will or Jacob lived closer, they were good at this kind of thing.

"Here, let me fix this up for you." He remembered how he liked it. Asa was a cream and sugar guy. After all, it was Asa who got him started drinking coffee.

Asa shook his head, no. He couldn't eat.

"I..I said some things.." Asa drew a breath. "We. We argued." Asa shook his head. His sad eyes looked at Elliot.

"She knew you loved her." Elliot assured him. Yet deep down he was thankful Pearl wasn't there during the ordeal. He felt faint, thinking of the shooting now. How it might have been.

"But..but I should have been on her side." Asa's face looked older than Elliot remembered. "I should have been on her side. I should have.."

"Don't. It was.." Elliot wasn't sure what to say about Matt. It had to be an accident, but still it was awful. "He didn't know what he was doing."

"God, why..why did I even..think.." Asa squinted hard. He shook his head. His face turned to grieve. Elliot watched, wishing he knew what to say. Asa breathed in an out, the anguish inside hime. "You..you think I deserved this..don't you?"

"No." Elliott winced. Somehow, Elliot felt he was the blame too. He thought of what he'd put Amanda through last winter. "She deserved better, and you were better. You were better for her. You must believe that." His eyes watered. He didn't want a tear slip, but it did, anyway.