Thursday, December 15, 2011
even if its messed up
Josie didn't think she'd exactly lied to Ian. She never mentioned Amanda to Derrick. After all, he was pretty adamant that he didn't want to talk about her, or anything about what had happened.
There was a good bit they weren't talking about, as it was. But seriously, it was so unexpected. It was something she didn't really want to question now.
Of course, she was mad at herself for letting it happen. Being with Derrick. Yet, it was empowering too. Somehow, it felt as if she'd saved him from something. No, it really wasn't about sex or was it? OK, a little. Finally, she was with someone she wanted to be with. Yet, she doubted her wants and needs now. There was a very fine line between the two. It was best not to contemplate too much about it, at the moment.
After she shut the door behind Ian, there was Derrick on the stairway.
"I heard." He just said.
"He doesn't know a thing." She was certain. It would be over soon enough, she imagined. Derrick might decide he wouldn't need her. Josie expected that, but right now he did. A part of her felt cold and calloused, yet at the moment she felt warm and embracing to her long lost friend. "I didn't tell him, anything."
Derrick nodded as he came down the stairs.
"Do you want coffee?" She went to get him something. He wasn't eating. But there were other things. A part of her couldn't help but think she'd took advantage of the situation. Still, she reminded herself, better her than a stranger.
She poured the hot coffee and looked back to see him there in the kitchen doorway. It was awful lot like looking at a ghost.
"Max said your Dad is here." Josie wanted him to know.
Derrick was stoic. His stare gave her a shiver. As if this was it. The two of them, together. Her taking care of someone who wanted to turn off the world. Josie bit her bottom lip. Not wanting to regret what had happened, yet she was beginning to feel this was just wrong.