Sunday, December 18, 2011
tiny particals everywhere
Eric was still in a state of shock about the whole thing. He couldn't imagine Amanda gone. Just like that.
Of course, he felt awkward as they gathered together. He looked at his brother Ian as they were about to go. He straightened his brother tie.
"Why aren't you, with Derrick?" He said as if it was best to leave the other matter at hand, out of the conversation.
"I thought, I told you." Ian looked at him. "We broke up."
"Oh." Now Eric was stumped to say anything. Perhaps Ian told him. Maybe he wasn't really listening, lately. There was a lot to deal with now. He still worked with a writers' group at the home. It wasn't like he was buried in work down at City, exactly, but he was busy. "Are you all right?" He didn't like seeing his brother alone, but it wasn't like he could rush out and ask someone to be with his brother at this given moment.
"Yeah." Ian nodded.
Eric knew he should leave it at that. It pained him that he'd been so cold to Amanda. There had never really been much between them..except the one time, that seemed so long ago now, yet it wasn't. There was Evan to think about.
Suddenly, he was anxious. He wanted to get this over... in the cold, go home, go to bed. But Syd came around from her small talk with the others and put her hand in his. He looked down at her as if she brought some comfort.
Of course, he knew this wasn't about him. This was about Amanda. It was just bizarre. Something like this happening in her own house. The pit of his stomach churned. He thought how it might have been if Evan had been there..if...He felt a bit light headed. It was so hard to be strong now. He looked to Syd. He gently squeezed her hand. She was the stronger one, he knew.
They went to the destination they had dressed in black for.
As they waited out on the cemetery lawn covered in a fresh blanket of snow, they gathered around, a tall man patted him on the back. Eric didn't know him. He looked back at the man's raw face. It was as if he'd been hit with emotion in full throttle.
"Can I see my grandson today?" The man asked.
It startled Eric. A lump lodged in his throat. "Sure." Eric breathed in the cold. He'd never met Amanda's Dad until today.