aftershock

Kayla felt a bit overwhelmed with the news of having a baby. It was always other people, had babies. Not her.

She'd thought for the longest while, she'd be immune to this sort of thing. Even now. But as luck would have it. Things changed. Not that Kayla wanted to be a downer with Oliver about starting a family. When they soon got married, she expected them to have some time for themselves.

"What are we talking about here? A decade?" He was always questioning her. So they'd had more than a spat about it. Although, it was quite some time ago since she flushed her birth control pills down the toilet. Just to show him, she was game if he were.

But time wore on. She wasn't ready, anyway. Of course, she put mathematics equations to the test. It would be better if they waited. Maybe she needed to eat more healthy. He needed to stop drinking. Of course, he was on his own medication with Lupus.

It wasn't like they weren't trying to have a baby. But soon enough, it was a chore. She suspected. For both of them. She didn't want it that way. Honestly, she didn't. So they were going to relax more. Oliver was going to take some time off. Maybe they'd travel. It was always something he talked about, but she never saw it happen.

Of course, she wasn't thinking about any of this when she got around to her little talk with Ian. She hadn't exactly forgotten about him. Perhaps she was the only one who still felt she knew the real Ian. The guy who wasn't anything like Oliver knew, nor anyone else. Except, Ian was a bundle nerves, that night... she remembered.

Suddenly, he made her think of Oliver. She told Ian he had nothing to worry about. He could confide in her. That's what this was about.

Instead, she confided in him. She wanted him to know that she'd never written him off as.. just gay. "You were experimenting. That's all. Like a phase." Kayla told him about her goth days. That gave Ian a chuckle, right away.

"Why is that so hard to imagine?" Suddenly, she felt so old, and she didn't like it. Maybe that's what this was about.

She cringed suddenly where she was sitting at her desk. The thought of what happened next. Late that night after the library closed, several weeks ago. She so wanted to put it out of her mind. Why was she so foolish? Being with Ian, in his car.

She nursed her bottom lip. Here she'd worked her whole life to have excellent grades, to be helpful, find a reliable job. Kayla even went out on a limb.. to marry someone she'd wanted so badly with out even seeing him in the flesh until she had to find him in another country.

Now this. She knew she wasn't having Oliver's baby. She'd looked through her calenders with all her cryptic symbols. She alone knew the exact meaning of each one. But would Oliver figure it out?

She put her personal stuff away in the desk drawer. Better to keep it here, than at home. Oliver was so happy now.

Kayla looked up when she saw Asa in the doorway.

"Hey," he was all grins. "We're both having a baby." He brought her, her favorite candy bar. A  dozen super-sized Snickers.

Kayla kept grinning as if she had too. She held on to the candy bars, knowing she didn't deserve it. But the thought of it with a bowl of vanilla ice cream was an overwhelming craving at the moment. She was tempted to see if there were any leftover ice cream in the freezer compartment of the fridge in the breakroom.  Kayla didn't want to think what a terrible person she'd become.