Friday, May 4, 2012
The look of deciet
Ian wasn't sure if he should be here. His step-mom sent him because she had some fund raiser she needed to oversee and his Dad was at a late meeting. Oliver wanted them all to be there for the news.
Of course, Kayla was well in hiding. He knew she didn't want to see him. But he sipped on the champagne. Suddenly, he felt light headed but remembered.
"Why didn't you call Eric?" Ian shot Oliver a look.
"Oh, you know they couldn't just make a trip over here. Where would we put everyone?" Oliver grimaced.
"Right." Ian sighed, thinking he knew the real truth. Oliver wasn't one to talk about it, but he really wasn't that fond of Eric.
Suddenly, Ian felt as if he might gulp the whole glass of champagne. Oliver probably wouldn't be all that fond of him, either...if he knew the truth.
The truth stung him now with watery eyes. He needed to put the glass down. Maybe walk it off. He really wished he hadn't heard the baby news. Ian bit his bottom lip. Then in a panic, as if he might be allergic to Oliver's place. Did that look suspicious? He did his best to remain even lipped. Not a care in the world. Mr. Nonchalant.
But this was too much. He thought he broke out in a sweat. Then cold chills.
"You don't look good, mate." Jules squeezed Ian's shoulder. Instantly, Ian thought he might cave in on Jules.
"Must be something going around." He excused himself. Oliver was frying up fish and chips. It was one of his favorite dishes of Oliver's, but Ian was sure he couldn't take a bite. He'd lost his appetite. "I should go." Ian nodded and excused himself. But he only managed to the hall. He leaned against the hall wall outside Oliver's door for the longest time wondering what to do. Where could he go?
He promised Kayla. He promised he could keep a secret. Yet, he felt a part of his soul shattering. He could hardly breathe. He shut his eyes tight, and instantly he thought of Kayla. He let out a breath, not wanting to think about it now.
The sex wasn't even that good. But it was his idea, now wasn't it? Not exactly. It was hard to pin point exactly, that it was even going to happen. But it did. In the safety of the back seat of his car at the library parking lot, after hours. It might have only taken a good ten minutes. As if, even that. Not that he was timing it. But it was more or less of an experiment. He thought now. A dreadful one. An irresponsible one. Evidently.
OK, it wasn't the right thing to do. He knew that. Instantly. Even before it was over. Maybe. It was wrong. All his fault. But it was as if he couldn't go on with anything vital, like a relationship..until...he was with Kayla.
It was stupid now. Ian decided. What was he thinking? He was certain things would never work out with Lola now.
So stupid. Even more stupid, he hadn't worn a condom. He cringed at the thought, that this was his baby.
But he kept in mind, it was the one time. Not a dozen.
The door opened to Oliver's flat. It was Jules.
"Ian? I thought you left?" Jules looked concerned. Even touched Ian's forehead to see if he was feverish.
"What's really going on?" Jules questioned.
Ian shook his head.
"Is this about Lola? I didn't see her with you? You two, have a spat?" Jules wanted to know as he watched Ian.
"I just... need to be alone." Ian finally managed to say.
"I could drive you home." Jules offered.
"No. I'm fine. I haven't had that much to drink. Really." Ian felt more awake than ever, at the moment.
"OK? You sure?" Jules kept staring at him as if he could wait it out and let Ian crack like an egg and spill his guts.
"Please, just go back in. I'm leaving." Ian pushed himself away from the wall. He was going. He didn't know where he was going. But for the first time, he knew this was a very bad thing that could only get worse.