Sunday, May 6, 2012
a slight ache of regret
Josie let it happen. Her beautiful paisley curtains were hung. She even had her matching comforter and her favorite pillow along with all the extra pillows. Josie beamed. Finally, she didn't feel as if she'd been taken hostage.
She was torn. Not sure how she felt about all of this. It was true. She didn't have much of a say in the matter. Being underage. Pregnant. It felt so wrong. She'd been fighting the sadness for days now. How could her father have done this? Was he done yet? As if he would have to raise another child, all on his own. She didn't think about that, as she wanted a group hug now.
And Lola was so ..helpful. She got in and did the major work when it came to the curtains. And that guy she was with.... Josie didn't know about him, but it looked as if Lola had found love.
She thought of Lola different now. No Ian. Wasn't he her best friend, or something? Josie didn't ask about him. It would just be wrong. Josie didn't feel like spoiling a thing for Lola. It was a comfort to see other people happy around her. Josie was full of joy. It was a freaky sensation, but maybe being pregnant just heighten the emotion.
"Let me order pizza, OK?" Josie grabbed her Mom's credit card and ordered a couple of pizzas.
"Oh, I don't need any." Lola shook her head.
"What's your favorite?" Josie wanted to know. It was time for a party, even if it was almost ten o'clock at night.
"Cheese." Lola looked at her blankly.
"I bet you like the all meat feast, don't you?" Josie looked at Crosby who gave her an open smile. Josie ordered then. "Derrick and Max should be here when the pizza arrives." Daisy would hang out to see Max. Wouldn't she? Josie imagined.
"All right." Daisy was skeptical. "Its weird being in Rosie's room." She kept her hands in the back pockets of her skinny jeans.
"Yeah, I know." Josie bit her bottom lip. "But it helps to have a few of my things I..I didn't even know I'd miss."
"So, you're feeling OK?" Daisy wanted to know.
"Yeah, I'm great. I just feel as if I should be doing something, you know." Josie plopped down on her bed and Daisy plopped next to her while Lola and Crosby looked at some of her CDs she hadn't put on the bookshelf next to the little closet. There was long mirror on the closet door. Josie caught a glimpse of herself. She saw how she looked. "I'm getting so fat."
"No, you're not." Daisy squeezed her hand then. "Don't say that."
"But its true. Topher won't talk to me." She looked over at Daisy. "I hate my life. I really do. I thought I was..I was in control. And I'm not in control of anything." She put her head on Daisy's shoulder. It was funny, maybe Daisy was her best friend now, by default.
She looked back at Lola, thinking she was someone who would have the best summer ahead of her. That Crosby wanted to be more than friends with Lola. Everyone had someone, but her.