Thursday, June 14, 2012
where the heart is
Suddenly, it occurred to Derrick. He'd been wrong about all the wrong things. Why was he even worried about things with Henry? It was as if he'd had a brain fog of some kind. Yet, it was very clear to him that he should have been paying attention to a few other things. One of those being Josie.
He saw through the livingroom window that night he was with Henry.. that Josie was with Ian, parked in the driveway. He wanted to stare for a moment, but he thought he heard something, and he better get back to the basement and see if Henry found out anything from his brother's soon to be ex.
"Was that my phone?" Derrick couldn't be sure if it was his or maybe Henry's.
"Yeah." Henry stared at him. No smile. Nothing. In fact, he was holding Derrick's phone.
"Its probably nothing." Derrick edged closer as to take it from him, but Henry held on to his cell. Kept it from his grasp.
"Is there anything, you want to tell me?" Henry was so serious. Soured. Perhaps disgusted. Derrick never saw this side of him.
"I don't think so." Derrick winced as if he wasn't really ready for some kind of quiz.
"Figured, as much." Henry looked as if he could spit on him. He flung Derrick's phone. Luckily, the bed caught it. "Guess, there was a reason I didn't trust you." Henry's eyes lit. His voice was low.
Derrick avoided Henry's stare. He looked at his cell, but of course, it had gone dark now. Henry turned around his back to Derrick as if it were too late.
"What do you mean?" Derrick squinted even harder as each second grew more uncomfortable with Henry's back to him.
Derrick could see Henry was angry.
"I don't even know why, you, bother." Henry gasped. He was crying.
Derrick touched Henry between the shoulder blades. Henry flinch. "Don't touch me!"
Derrick picked up his blackberry clutch. Not the fanciest of phones, but he saw who'd texted.
"Dorian does this all the time, but I never respond to them. I don't even look at the text." He promised. Derrick guessed he should figure out how to block him. "Nothing is going on. I'm not doing anything behind your back."
Derrick sat down on the bed and waited for Henry to at least sit and listen. "Please, just..just hear me out, if nothing else. Maybe you can block him or whatever." He held his cell. "You can look through all my texts. I'm not trying to hide anything from you."
Finally Henry plopped down next to him and fixed Dorian number.
"OK," Derrick found it hard to explain now, but it would be wrong if he didn't. "I had sex with Dorian." Derrick gritted a wince. Then he sighed. "But it was last year. When I broke up with Ian. It was the one time. It wasn't something we made a conversation about. And..and it hasn't happened. Since. It won't happen. Because..because I don't want to be some dirty little secret. I don't." Derrick's face swelled with a frown. "Its not like he's going to acknowledge me in the hall at school."
"Did he hurt you?" Henry wanted to know.
"No." Derrick shook his head. "I only did it.. to get back at Ian. I guess. I mean, I didn't tell him. It was... I felt like I had to have sex with someone else ..to get over him. It was stupid, I know. It was wrong." He pushed his fingers over his eyes, burning with tears. "I'm sorry." He caught Henry's gaze out of the corner of his eye. He felt like an emotional wreck as he nursed his bottom lip.
Finally, Henry reached for him. Derrick felt it was Henry decision. Would he stay or Would he go? Yet Derrick closed his eyes as if this was the most wonderful calm he'd ever felt. There were no words needed.