second thoughts

At least the young adult summer reading program was winding down. Asa supposed he was ready for what August might bring. Although, he didn't know if he knew exactly what to expect. After all, he wasn't the one having the baby. He was getting the jitters.

Things were a lot more simpler with Camille these days.

"She bakes a lot?" Asa told Elliot who had him over to Skype. Elliot wanted to introduce him to his long lost sister Romy in Germany. Asa wasn't sure if it was a good idea since Elliot still wanted to keep this from his Mom and Dad.

"Maybe, Camille just needs something to do. So..so she won't be worried, about being a Grandmother, or you know, her daughter." Elliot stayed on the subject of Camille, instead. He joked about how his Dad teased him about Camille. "You sure, nothing is going on?"

"Of course not." Asa made a face as if that was preposterous. As it was, Camille avoided speaking of the July 4th fiasco with him. "We..are fine."

"Just fine?" Elliot pressed. "Are you still thinking Amanda is there with you? In the house. Sleeping with you?"

Asa suddenly felt a cold chill. He didn't know how to respond to that. He knew Elliot thought it was funny, but it had been such a calm feeling to have that bit of faith. Yet, that was gone too.

Asa shook his head, no. He wished Elliot hadn't brought Amanda up.

"Well, shall we?" Elliot clicked the icon and in a few minutes there was Romy on the laptop. Elliot was all smiles, he introduced Asa as if he might be the special guest.

Asa smiled, wondering how silly he might be. He waved then.

"Yes, I'm your cousin." He sighed. "So how's the weather?" It was the first question to pop into his head. Before he knew it, she was asking him questions about where he worked. Was he married?

"No..but..." He looked at Elliot for help, wondering how strange Romy might think her family might be. "I'm..I'm having a baby." Although, he knew it wasn't exactly his. A part of him felt he lived in a circus. Suddenly, he felt impossibly sad. He knew it true now. That baby would only be his, in name only. All he was meant to do was to provide for it.

She talked about being a single Mom and how hard it was. He listened, thinking how much simpler it might be.... if it were only him and the baby, but it would never work out that way.