nothing like it used to be

Quinn knew she needed to let go. Of a lot of things. She'd let go of Dorian. Now hadn't she?

But it felt as if she were back to zero when it came to Dorian. The thought of him suicidal made her rethink everything in her life. She did love him. Maybe not quite like other girls. They didn't exactly touch, but even she knew she might have been choking him at the moment.

"Sorry." She finally took a step back. It felt good to know he was still here. He was still his skinny self. His eyes were beautiful. Yet, why hadn't she seen it before? He looked so sad. She guessed he always had.

Where did she begin? Say something like "I'm so over you..." She winced hard. What could she say.

"I hope college is good." Her smile was quick. No need to look back and ponder.

He only nodded as if she'd taken his voice when she hugged him.

"Well..." She tried to beam with enthusiasm. "I'm..I'm taking online classes." She told him about being the children's librarian's assistant. "I'd never really had a paying job before." She told him she was grateful to have it. She was grateful for a lot of things in her life. "And..and there is Milo."

"Oh." Dorian drew a blank as if she got a new pet.

"No, he's not a cat." She caught herself grinning more, wondering if maybe Dorian saw himself that way when they were together. "Milo has a little boy." Again, she guessed that sounded as if she might be out to save someone. "Anyway..I..I don't do as much at church..as I used too."

"But..but I thought you liked it. Weren't going to go on a missionary trip?" Dorian winced as if he remembered.

"Oh, that.." Quinn was even lipped now. "No, I thought I needed to do something different." She knew she needed to let him go. "It was good to see you. It really was." Instantly, she thought she might cry because she doubted she'd ever see him again.