Tuesday, October 16, 2012
as the days go by
"Mom," Josie didn't like this talk about Derrick moving in with them. Sure, it was a big house. "He's not our problem!"
She couldn't help it. She was angry. And yes, she'd been working at this goal since the moment Dylan was born. Josie thought of the girl at school who didn't even see her baby when it was born. She didn't even know if she had a boy or a girl.
Josie guessed it should have been that way with Dylan, yet she was happy it was an open adoption. Still, it wasn't easy. Especially, when she felt she needed to protect him. Especially, from Derrick.
There were horrible nightmares that left her sleepless. The thought of Derrick kidnapping the baby and taking him off... God knows where. She imagined him leaving him on the top of the car in the carrier and driving off. He needed to stay away from the baby. So would she.
"Now, you can re-name him if you want too." She apologized to Asa the day after she named Dylan. "I had no right to name him." And yet she did. But Asa was nice enough to tell her that it was OK. The baby would always be Dylan.
Slowly she'd let him go. Although, there were moments when she knew she hadn't. Even now she felt so sad, she didn't know how Ian put up with her.
She'd wanted Ian here with her, but he told her it wasn't a good idea. Yet, he was the best. He took her to the homecoming dance. And he was good at being there for the little things. They could be close without having to live together.
Yet, it baffled her that her Mom would even suggest to Derrick that he could live here.
"He needs help too." Her mother would be on his side. "He needs to figure his future too. He does. And, well..he's family." Her mother didn't exactly protest.
"NO HE"S NOT." Derrick might as well have been an ugly word to Josie. She wanted nothing to do with him. It was good to get him away from Asa's. "He has his brother. He'll be fine."
"But didn't you say..you think he might be manic depressive?" Her mother remembered.
"I dunno." Josie squinted hard. It was even difficult for Josie to get out of her own pajamas, some days. Maybe it was she who needed the antidepressants, not Derrick.
"Well, I told him we'd be here for him." Her mother was all generous lately, even if she'd started that new job at the radio station. You'd think she was going to open a foster home.
Josie hoped Derrick stayed away. Especially, from Dylan.