Saturday, January 12, 2013
it could happen
Zac was beginning to feel his heart was totally wounded. Perhaps he was only good for something on the side. Maybe a secret, at best.
Sure, things were no better with Josie. He didn't even try to notice her, lately. Of course, now that he thought about it, being with Josie so long ago was possibly the best relationship he'd ever been in. And that might have been puppy love.
Next to his favorites on this list of girls he'd been with was Sara. It wasn't that he wanted to rekindle anything with her. After all, it was best not to feel anything for anyone. Yet, he felt for sure he felt a whole lot more for them with passion than they'd ever thought of him.
Yes, Zac Reynolds had suicidal tendencies. He could go in very long bouts of not eating. Somehow, it made love grow deeper that way. Of course, one might wonder if he did these things for the love of himself or someone else.
His mother worried terribly about him. Still, he wasn't on meds. She didn't want him to be addicted to anything. Maybe he did need to see a psychologist, or something. As of yet, he'd never even spoken to the school counselor.
Zac was certain of it. He didn't fit in.
His last little quiet something was with Sunny. Of course, he didn't know who she was. This only gave her a laugh when she'd met him on the first day of school. It had been a bit of an exhilarating ride with her. And for a small moment, he did think she loved him. But that soon went crashing down in a week.
Once again, he was on the outside, looking in. She disgusted him now. It was as if she'd used him as an experiment of some kind. Something that had been purely physical was now this heavy yet ugly emotion he couldn't quite get rid of.
So he wrote a few sad songs about her. A dozen horrible songs about her. Now it was as if she were Satan and he was filled with songs of hate.
"I really think I should focus on my music." He informed Fish. Perhaps they were best friends. After all, they did sit at the same lunch table.
"How are you going to do that?" Fish was pleasant enough. Still Zac wondered if he could trust him. As of yet, he'd found no one to trust here. It was as if he were in some sort of mind warp, and the rest of the world was against him.
"We'll start a band. And you'll be in it." Zac smiled more for himself than for Fish.
"I dunno." Fish rolled his eyes with a sigh.
"You could play the drums." Zac was excited at the possibility.
"Me?" Fish winced with a laugh.
"You said, you played in Sixth Grade band." Zac reminded his friend.
"Uh, yeah, and that was like..what 5 years ago." Fish looked at him stunned as if that were a lifetime ago.
Zac sighed thinking Fish was only a Freshman. He couldn't picture him ever being older. It was as if time stood still for him.
"But..but I need your help." Zac squinted hard as if he needed to see this through.
"OK, I get it." Fish wasn't smiling though. Zac tried to give Fish a hug, but then again Fish wasn't the hugging type.