Sunday, March 3, 2013
its all you need
"We could have done this, like..when I got home." Luc hoped he didn't sound ominous about it. But didn't Olivia want to know?
No, she'd made this elaborate meal which involved eggplant and a lot of cheese. She'd brought home French bread from the bakery and made a spinach salad he could have lived without. The anticipation was killing him.
Did she even want this? Maybe she didn't. Maybe they were not even in the same book about this. He didn't know.
But she was ready for bed now, and there the test was in the bathroom. She squeezed his hand tight. He looked at her thinking yes they were possibly too young. But not really. Old enough to know better.
Luc smiled. The seconds were counting down. Could they be excited? She looked a little nervous.
She hugged him tight.
"You look," she said as if she wanted him to tell her the news.
And there it was. The news they'd been waiting for.
"Yes. Its..a yes." He wanted to be happy about this.
She looked at him as if she didn't believe him so she took a look. She sighed.
"This is good, right?" He looked at her trying to read her emotion. She was very quiet as she hugged him even harder. He thought she managed a nod.
"Are you sure?" He held her at arms length.
"Of course, I want this..Its just..scary." She almost smiled, but not quite. "Its just..I don't feel pregnant." She hugged herself as if they were looking at a lie. The test must have lied to them.
"Well, lets..lets make an appointment. You know, to be sure." Luc looked at her blankly in his flannel pajama shirt.
"It won't be completely official ..until then." He kissed her forehead. She nodded again, as if she was thinking the worst. He turned off the bathroom light and took the stick test with them. He knew he'd read it right. It still showed to be true, even the few steps they took to get to their room.
"Are you sure? You're OK?" He asked as he got the bed ready.
"I guess. I just thought, you know, it would be different." She shrugged.
"How different?" What was she expecting?
She didn't want to talk. He knew to let it go. Soon enough they were in bed. Somehow, he felt more alone than ever before. Luc laid awake, hoping this wasn't a mistake. He was thinking of the times they'd used protection, and the times they didn't. This was all his fault. Luc came to the conclusion. Then to hear her softly crying made him confirm it.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He said ever so quietly. "I love you. I know I don't tell you enough, but I really do."
"I know you love me," Olivia said, still turned away. "Its just.." She cried a little harder. "This..this was suppose to be Ravi's baby."
Luc didn't know what to say, but she let him him hold her.
"I love you. I do." She whispered. Luc smiled. He thought of an old song. He thought he remembered the tune now, but was it the same song. Love is all you need.