Sunday, March 24, 2013
Fish knew it now. He was not good at romance.
He'd been so good to be above this sort of thing. He wasn't one of those kind of people.
Besides, shouldn't he be sad about Sunny?
He was. And he wasn't.
Maybe having a little weed with Shan, some how sufficed the sorrow. He'd thought about her. He did. But then again, he was certain she never liked him, didn't care to know him. But he'd worried over all those productions, so much. And he'd learned so much from her, he really did. He was going to miss her.
But he missed Derrick too, who of course was Mr. Silent.
They'd had this very brief encounter. After school. In the freezing cold. Outside of the band hall. Fish remembered watching Derrick's breath in the frigid air. If only they'd talked more.
"I don't want to come between you and Zac." Derrick's excuse.
"What are you talking about?" Fish didn't understand.
"You're, clearly in love him. I don't want to mess that up." Derrick wasn't smiling, and Fish squinted in disgust. He'd never thought of such a scenario. Fish knew Zac would want to vomit if he heard it.
"What?" Fish squinted harder as if that was such nonsense bull. He'd watched Derrick walk away.
Fish was still trying to digest it. Did Derrick really believe that? Seriously?
Now, Fish felt like a big emotional monster. He knew why he hadn't let himself have feelings for anyone, because he knew he'd be hurt. And he was right.
Dumb ass Derrick, he wanted to say, yet thinking of all the reasons not to have a thing to do with him. Still, he was loyal to Zac and he'd have to be there for him. Even the band. But Fish did have Syreeta to take care of that. Clearly, she was the talented one. Hopefully, Zac knew this.
Fish didn't want to mess it all up, just because of one kiss in the bathroom with Derrick.
After pacing about, for hours it seemed, in his room about this matter, he finally called Derrick. When he answered, Fish wished he'd only texted. His heart was pounding so hard, Fish could hardly hear himself.
"Look, um," Fish was sure his eyes might roll back in his head and he'd faint, but that didn't happen. "That kiss, didn't mean anything." He found himself laughing, yet it was hallow. He wished he'd paid more attention to Sunny when she was trying to get people to act real. He couldn't possibly fake this. "I was out with Shan, before school." He closed his eyes. "Just don't tell anyone, please? And I..I had never.." He sighed heavily. "It was a stupid mistake. It was. Honestly, I don't feel that way about you. I really really don't. I don't even ..really ..remember." He thought he was rambling. But there was a long silence. "Are you, there, Derrick?"
"Yeah." But he was very quiet.
"That..that thing..you said..about Zac and me." Now Fish didn't know what to say. "We're just friends. Just friends. He needs a friend. We all need friends."
"Yeah, we do need friends." Derrick sounded as if he could hardly speak.
"You're a really good friend, Derrick." Fish tried his best to keep from crying, but emotion was already there.
"OK." That was all Derrick said. Nothing more. Fish felt worse than from before.