Ruben didn't want to think of himself as a stalker. Because he wasn't. Yet, he did know Dorian's schedule.
In the beginning, he had a lot of time to kill. Before he got the job. He would some times watch the house where Dorian roomed. He would follow Dorian from afar. Soon enough, he knew when he worked. How he liked a morning run. Something, Ruben would never think to do. Yet, he liked the idea of Dorian being a runner. If only, he could run with him. Although, he wasn't really in shape to be a runner.
He was not exactly on tenure at the University, either. It was a summer trial. If he handled the daily foreign language classes, then chances were he'd be working with students in beginning Italian and French and quite possibly Spanish, too.
So much stress. He really should try running. As it was, his life was suddenly coffee, muffins and corn dogs. Not exactly food he should be eating. He didn't even have time for the salad bar. Besides, he was a little depressed. Maybe, Lynsey was right, he should move on. But he had the summer to get this right with Dorian. Yet, time was ticking, and Ruben was beginning to think he might always roam the earth and never really find the home he wanted.
Ruben hoped he'd run into Dorian out on his early morning run. But Dorian was quick and running seemed to be his mission. Ruben found that it was hard to keep up. After a few meters of panting, and never quite catching up, there was Dorian standing still watching a small herd of deer.
"Dorian!" Now he was really out of breath and his left side hurt. He didn't feel so great in his black track suit, either. "Can I talk to you! Will you, please..." He felt as if it was perhaps a fake plea. "Lets..lets just talk."
At least Dorian waited, but he made Ruben come to him.
"So talk." Dorian looked him in the eye.
Ruben pressed his lips tight, wondering how he could explain. There was a park bench not so far away in the shade.
"We can sit and just talk." Ruben shrugged.
Dorian didn't say anything. He looked at him sullen, as if he really had nothing to say to him. He waited for Ruben to sit first. Ruben was afraid he might walk off, by the way he was acting.
"Honestly, it never occurred to me.." He looked at Dorian out of the corner of his eye while Dorian fiddled with his old running shoes. "That I might have hurt you. I really thought you wanted to be with me."
"Look, I don't even remember." Dorian's voice sounded so angry. He shook his head. "Why do you even want me to remember?" Dorian squinted.
"I can't forget, because..." Now Ruben winced. "I never felt this way before, about anyone, but you. I thought it would be, the usual. But..but I kept thinking about the way, you looked at me. The way, you hung on to every word I said." Ruben sighed. "I wish I could make you, happy like that, again."
"You, don't even know me." Dorian looked away.
"But I want to know you." Ruben couldn't help but want to pull Dorian's lock of hair that had fallen in his face behind his ear. "Your eyes." He smiled a little. "They're so sincere. I wish I could be more like you." He smiled more. "Maybe its you, who should do the modeling."
Now, he'd finally flattered Dorian. He really hadn't intended too. Dorian sighed with almost a laugh.
"I don't drink." Dorian informed him.
"We could still go out." He did want to go out with him.
"Or, we could just run." Dorian was straight lipped as he looked at Ruben.
"Just run." Ruben nodded. It was a start. That's all he could ask for.