Friday, June 7, 2013
This is a promise with a catch
What was last night, might not be today, or at least Fish thought.
Yes, it was strange yet fascinating to be this close to Shan. But he knew it might change. Maybe Shan wanted to not think.. just kiss. And there was a lot of that... which Fish might not have gotten enough of. Still, he wasn't going overboard. He did talk Shan into seeing Henry, again. After all, Shan's ex-boyfriend was in a coma. Although, Shan was reluctant to go, but finally they went, soon after lunch at school.
When they got to Henry's hospital room, Ian was the only one there, sitting with Henry.
"Josie wanted to be here, but she didn't sleep so well last night, so she's resting." Ian told them.
Shan only nodded and grabbed Fish's hand, as if he needed something to hold on too. Fish stared at Shan's fingers intertwined with his. He looked at Ian wondering if he thought it weird. Ian didn't say anything so Fish kept holding his hand.
"Any change?" Fish finally asked.
"Not really." Ian shrugged.
Henry was breathing on his own. That had to be good sign. Fish hoped.
Shan kept staring at Henry. Fish thought maybe Shan was willing Henry to wake up. Henry would open his eyes, smile and ask what the big deal was. But that didn't happen. Instead, Shan dragged Fish back out into the hall and hugged him, ready to collapse.
"I don't want to be here." He breathed.
Shan broke from Fish and leaned against the cool blue tiled wall. Fish edged next to him with his hands behind his back.
Shan stared at her with open eyes. Fish kept his mouth shut as they looked at her in her black taylored shorts with a tucked in white peter pan collared shirt. She was wearing high heeled sandals.
Fish started thinking they hadn't thought of dressing up. As it was, Shan was in one of Fish's T-shirts he got from helping out with Guys and Dolls, and Fish was in his old ripped up Converses with his trusty sweat pants and WALKING DEAD T-shirt he went from school to bed in. He winced, thinking he was wearing the worst graphic T-shirt, ever.
"Just wanted to see if..if we could do anything." Fish's crooked smile was more clumsy than anything as he noticed Josie didn't want to talk to him. She glared at Shan instead, as if they might have a face-off.
"Its all your fault, he's here, anyway." She snapped.
Shan kept his mouth shut, but he looked really sad.
"Hey, Shan had nothing to do with what happened to Henry." Fish spoke up. "He can't be Henry's keeper. Shan's got a lot to deal with, himself."
Shan looked at him out of the corner of his eye as if Fish was suppose to stay quiet.
"Look, just go ahead, hate me." Shan shot back at Josie. "Blame me, all you want. If..if it'll make you feel better. We'd broke up a couple of weeks ago, for your information. Besides, maybe he was in love with that guy. Ever thought of that?"
Shan swelled a frown. He didn't wait for an answer. He put his arm around Fish, and they headed for the door.
"You don't really think Henry was in love with that..that Al, do you?" Fish asked later at Sonic while they were eating chili dogs with Ocean Water Slushees.
"Who knows, what Henry did with that guy." Shan said so numb as he sipped the cold drink.
Fish sighed, thinking maybe he was an excuse now. Shan's way of getting back at Henry. Yet, he didn't really believe that. Not the way Shan kissed him.
"I don't even want to think about it." Shan shook his head. Fish nodded. Shan picked at his tots as they sat in the car. He popped a tot in Fish's mouth. He smiled.
"Look, its so different with you. It really is." Shan told him. "I mean, I know, how I kept telling myself how...how I'd always be there for Henry. But I never felt completely comfortable. Maybe for a while. But then it got where he wanted me to change. Be more like him. Be his twin. Be with all his friends." He sipped a little more on his drink. "But..you and me..its like we have fun doing nothing. We really don't have to dress up, play charades, none of that stuff. Just us. And I feel like myself. And I can only hope, you feel like yourself, with me too." He smiled at Fish.
Fish smiled back. He trusted Shan. He was certain of it now.