Saturday, July 20, 2013
tell me something good
Max couldn't explain it. But he was blue. Really blue. And when Derrick finally told him about their Dad's troubles and how now Camille was his guardian, Max felt as if he were just an after thought. Maybe not even that.
He did his best for weeks not to dare mention it, to anyone. He was fine. He still lived at Asa's, but was that enough? Honestly, he felt as if he were in the way, more than anything. Maybe that was why he stayed at Sara's as much as he did.
But he didn't want to wear out his welcome there, either.
Honestly, he felt as if his own family didn't really want him. Now his Dad was in jail. No one, had exactly told him. As it was, he felt as if they thought he was an imposter of some kind. Even when his Dad was around, he was the last he got to hang out with.
Max wanted to say he was over it. He should be used to it by now. But it was hard to be happy. A lot of nights he cried himself to sleep, thinking he just wanted his own family. Was that too much to ask?
Sara kept asking him what was wrong. First he said nothing. Naturally, she said he could tell her. She would listen.
Of course, he wasn't sure what to tell her. It felt like a huge emotional pimple about to pop. He guessed when he looked back on it now, Max wasn't making any sense. But he got out his birth certificate. There was Derrick's father's name.
"Maybe..maybe I don't even know..who I am." He finally broke down in tears. Maybe it was true. He didn't think his Dad loved him. And he wasn't anything like Derrick or his other brother. He was so sure he was going to make himself sick, but Sara took both of his hands as if she had the solution.
"We'll get married, and you, can take my name." She pleasantly smiled, but that really wasn't the answer Max was looking for.